A Heart To Hold You
by no milk left
Summary: This is a fanfiction about Series 9. It takes off where Series 8 has left us, including Jodi. This is centered around the women of Drovers Run, but most of all, Stevie.
1. Chapter 1

**A Heart To Hold You**  
A Series 9 Story

_When you're lonely and sad  
If you think of the times we had  
Just the thought  
Will bring you back to me  
Seen you staring in to space  
Shadow falling across your face  
But it won't take long to get to you  
Whatever you do_

And if your heart should melt away  
No matter, I'll find you anyway  
Until you look and find a love who doubles  
As someone who'll understand your troubles

When you're tumbling down  
Cast an eye back to our old town  
And a heart to hold you won't be far  
Wherever you are

**TITLE:** A Heart To Hold You  
**RATING: **Well for now I'll keep it for all to read  
**AUTHOR: **No milk left  
**PAIRING: **Haven't figured it out, but I guess; Stevie/X, Jodi/Matt, Ingrid/Marcus, Jaz/Ben etc.  
**DISCLAIMER:** All characters belong to the Nine Network  
**AUTHOR's NOTE: **This is a fan fiction about Series 9, it takes off where Series 8 has left us, and includes Jodi. This is centered around the Drover's women, but most of all, of course, Stevie. I can't promise I'll finish this story, but at least the start seems to me, to be pretty good. Credits for the lyrics go to Keane. And for those who haven't seen series 8, indeed it contains spoilers.

**Chapter 1. **  
Black dirty pieces of silo, burned grain all over the dry soil of Drovers longest paddock; it was scattered all over the place since last week. Jodi waved a dust of filthy air away as it still held a weak burning smell it is as she leaned against the back of the Drover's Ute.

Jaz looked up for a moment, away from her work to clean the paddock so it could once hold a cattle. 'You know Jodi, you don't have to be here', she gently suggested, giving a quick glimpse towards Regan who was kneeled down just a few meters further.

'Don't wanna stick whole day in the house, and I'm just fine', the blonde girl simply answered as she gently rubbed her swollen belly. Just watching her cousins clean the paddock was enough for her. Pregnancy held its benefits when it came to good excuses to take it easy, still a small bit inside of her that had never let go of that girl who rather be lazy than tired.

'Oh my', it suddenly sounded as Regan lifted a small dusty, but shining item between her fingers. Raising it up to let the rays of sunlight let it face the day. 'Stevie's ring'.

'You're kidding?', Jaz instantly exclaimed, moving quickly towards her sister. 'It is', as she look stared at it. 'Not even that damaged'.

Regan looked at her; 'just a bit of cleaning and it will be as good as new'. She lifted her eyebrows pleased, already imagining the huge smile on Stevie's face seeing it. Jodi just stared at the two, realizing once more she had missed so much. Just the thought of conversation she once had with Stevie years ago took hold of her heart.

_Is this how you felt when you lost Alex?_

'I don't mind cleaning it', she let out, not moving much. 'She will be thrilled I guess'.

Regan looked at her cousin, giving her a smile; 'she surely will. Her engagement ring can't be far away either'. A quick glance towards Jaz made the two decide to pay extra attention to this specific spot of the paddock.

'Thinking about it; it's weird', Jodi just muttered.

'What?', Regan just asked, sitting back and wiping the dust of her forehead.

'You know, Alex and Stevie. I missed them being together completely, and than I return and there is this little fellow without his father. Alex would have been such a great dad', she went on, now glancing towards the ground. 'How I hope Matt will be here soon'. Her voice was soft and both her hands held on to her belly, protective and lovely for the little one within.

'Don't worry about Matt', Regan answered; 'he will be here soon. Adding a supportive soft smile to her words Regan made Jodi look at her.

Brushing away the blonde curls out of her face Jodi sighed; 'That's what Stevie thought too'.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2. **  
Regan and Jodi slowly walked towards the door of Stevie's bedroom, seeing it slightly open. Pressing her finger quickly onto her lips, Regan looked over her shoulder to give Jodi the sign to be quiet. Through the small opening she saw Stevie twirl in front of her mirror, breathing in deeply as she gazed at her own image. A quick look on the framed picture on her night table made her shift unsure. 'Someone's looking great', Regan suddenly let out with a big smile, pushing the door open.

Startled Stevie held her hand on her chest and gazed at the two women who entered her room. 'You think it's too much?', she asked after a consoling breath.

'Of course not, you look great', Jodi answered, quickly making her way to the bed to sit down, earning Stevie's approving amused smile.

Staring back into the mirror, seeing Regan's face show all approval behind her, she tucked at her violet top. Her short denim skirt underneath showed her fine figure. Brushing over it she stared down. 'It's the first time I wear this, since ...', her voice dropped, only to realize the last time had been during a night out with Alex.

'You look fine Stevie', Regan interrupted her memory, squeezing her shoulder gently. 'Russ will love this'.

'Not sure if I want Russ to love it.'

'I thought it was just a night out, as friends?', Jodi smirked a bit.

Stevie rose on her feet, breathing in deeply. For a moment turning her face towards Jodi; 'I just ... it's just a drink. No official date, but ... he won't wait forever.'

'So you do like him that much', Regan stated amused, quickly licking her lips as she folded her arms across her chest.

Stevie turned around, looking at one of her best mates. 'He's a good guy.'

'And?', the dark haired woman asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

'Attractive okay, he's attractive ...', she sighed. Pulling her lips together her gaze fell back onto the framed image.

'But he isn't Alex ...', Jodi added to her words, following her friend's gaze towards the photo.

Stevie gave her a look, pressing her lips tightly onto each other. That, and the look in her eyes was enough of an answer.

'Doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a chance Stevie', Regan told her, seeing how another deep breathe left her friend's tense body.

'I know', she replied, brushing her red curls back, which hung loosely over her shoulders. 'Alex wouldn't want me to stay alone'. Shortly she gave Regan an intense look through the mirror. 'But is it fair towards Russ?' Breathing in deeply, her hand moved towards her chest, still searching for some sign, for courage she was doing the right thing. It was something that came automatically and unconscious.

She and Xander would be all right, right?

Jodi and Regan exchanged looks. 'Stevie .. you never know unless you try', Regan finally let out.

The blonde McLeod shifted on the bed; 'and like you said, Alex would want you to move on. At least be with someone who is good to you'.

'And Russ knows where you're coming from', Regan quickly added, seeing how their words made sense to Stevie.

'Right', she pressed her lips into a smile, letting her eyes fall over her reflection in the mirror. She looked good. Russ would think she looked good, and God she needed that male attention.

'By the way, we have something for you', Jodi now let out pleased, catching Stevie out of her inner struggle. Instantly Regan glared at her, which made the blonde shrug her shoulders not getting what Regan was pointing at, so she focused as quickly on Stevie who gave her an asking look. Smiling she lifted the little shiny piece out of her pocket. 'We found something'. Opening her hand, showing the ring in her palm Stevie immediately fell into a big aww. Eyes wide open, a mouth searching for air, for words. 'My wedding ring ...', she finally managed to let out as her fingers circled over her chest, her left hand reaching out for the found item.

A weak feeling took over, emotions welling up, making her eyes teary as she felt the ring between her fingers, holding it to see every little detail. 'It's untouched', she spoke out, seeing it shine like never before. Regan's eyes followed her friend's moves.

'We just found it in the paddock, Jodi cleaned it. We're still looking for the other', she stated.

Stevie turned, facing her, and Regan was taken by the gleam in her friend's brown eyes. 'It's great', she muffled out, taking a deep breath to calm down. 'Thanks Jodes', she now quickly threw to her left. Before she knew it she had slipped it onto her finger, wondering if it still felt the same. Her fingers separated up into the air, making it so clearly visible.

Her friends looked at each other once more. Regan doubting if it was the smart thing to give it to her right now, to even have found it. It obviously sucked Stevie back into her memories, memories that would hold her back. But Jodi gave her a weak smile, and she knew they couldn't have hold it back any longer. It made them for now oblivious for Stevie's struggle, trying to get the ring off her finger.

'It's stuck'.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.**  
'Maybe I should call Moira', Stevie let out. Jaz looked up to her words, trying the rub the soap all around her friend's finger. 'Maybe it's a sign.'

Regan shook her head; 'come on Steves, it's just stuck. Don't worry about that. Besides that, no way, you can reach Moira at this hour. It's probably in the middle of the night in Argentina anyway.'

'Right', Stevie muttered, feeling how her hand now dissapeared under the water tap. Looking at the ring, splashed with water, she took a deep breath. What if it was a sign; that she wasn't ready yet, or Russ wasn't the one to fulfill the aching missing feeling inside of her?

'And it's not like Russ will mind you wearing your wedding ring, he will understand'.

***

There she stood, unsure, waiting for Russ to park his car. Still her mind held many doubt. Her wedding ring was still around her finger. She could almost feel it burn, constantly asking her for attention. She had said it; 'maybe I shouldn't go'. But the girls had changed her mind, and Russ had picked her up earlier than expected. He walked up to her with a soft smile. 'We better get inside.'

Okay, the Gungellan pub was just as typical as always. Which made her feel uncomfortable, sensing eyes on her; Stevie Hall is dating the vet, not the short blonde female one obviously. She took a swig of her beer, more than she intended to, but beer maybe could ease her mind a bit. Suddenly she noted Russ' gaze fell onto her hand which made her hold her breath shortly before swallowing. 'The girls found it again', she answered his gaze lifting her hand softly to show.

'Lucky', Russ just spoke and Stevie could feel an odd tension between them. Just shortly, but something she had expected.

'I tried it on, it got stuck', she added, to be sure this wasn't a statement of showing she was still that married woman. She was a widow. God, how much she hated that word. He threw her a smile, silent now. At times he wasn't that much of a talker after all. 'Have you ever been married?', she suddenly asked, wondering why that specific question came into mind and that she didn't know the answer just yet. Not that they had any serious talking done over the last months. She moved her head a bit unsure, quickly running her teeth over her bottom lip.

Maybe she had asked too much, she wondered, rubbing her hand along the back of her neck, watching how he hesitated for a moment taking a swig of his beer. 'Never', Russ answered, weakly shrugging her shoulders.

'Not even Olivia's mum?', she asked curious and quite suprised at the same time. How come a great guy like Russ had never been married? Oh dear, did she now need to tell him about Jared? That she even had been married twice? Uncomfortable she shifted on her seat, more occupied with her last thought than with the answer to her previous question.

'No, things didn't work out between us. We parted when Olivia was one year old. Stayed friends though. Well you have to having a daughter together, but we mostly focused on raising her and I tried to study to become a vet, so a wedding never happened', he smiled friendly, explaining.

'Yeah ...', she muttered. 'I've been married before Alex', Stevie just pressed out, feeling herself move more and more unsteady on her seat. How come it was so hard to tell him about her past? Luckily he already had seen Rose, and knew it was her daughter. Rose and Olivia quite got along on Xander's birthday party too.

'With Rose's father?', Russ asked the obvious question, which Stevie completely hadn't expected though.

'Uhm no', she shook her head, her hand resting again in the curve of her neck. She pressed out a smile; 'I was young, he didn't even know I was pregnant.' She saw that look in his eyes, he was thinking or so, or making a weak judgement. 'I know, no smart moves'.

Russ instantly protested; 'oh no, I don't mean ... I mean, I don't know what all happened back than. Don't feel like you need to tell me. Tell if you want though'. He was searching for words to make this conversation a bit better, easier. Stevie's mind suddenly wished for days outside, just hanging together on an overnight muster, or trying to catch a wild dog. Moments that were easy to talk, only to a different man. Not that much chance for moments like that with Russ. The Gungellan Pub wasn't exactly the place she wanted to share the story of her life.

Her eyes wondered through the pub, supporting her thoughts. Her eyes suddenly wide, than blinking, as a vision of a tall man in the back appeared. Dropping her bottle of beer to the table, Russ' hand suddenly shove over hers, making her blink once more, looking at it. 'I'm sorry', he said, her eyes searching back towards the back of the pub; not seeing that man. 'If I push you, I mean, we can just talk about ...'

With a dazzled gaze she looked at him, lowering towards their hands. She pulled it back slowly. 'It's okay', she pressed out a smile, before glancing at the shiny ring on her finger.

Russ noticed it, but missed another stare towards the back. 'We can just hang out as friends, nothing more. If you aren't ready.' He stared at the ring on her finger; obviously she wasn't ready for more. But he was clearly interested. Stevie swallowed.

'No really, it got stuck on my finger. I'm not intending to wear it', she spoke.

He showed a comforting smile; 'you can wear it, it's okay. It says a lot about you.' Stevie felt her heart beat easen again, as she sighed, and gave him a short careful smile.

'Maybe', she just said. Trying to get her mind into order, to not pay attention to some strange vision. 'But still I wonder why a man like you has never been married.'

Russ grinned; 'well maybe I'm not so easy to be with after all. I don't know, timing, career. It just never happened.' She pressed out a smile, their eyes meeting for a moment to hold a gaze. 'Never met that special one I guess. But who knows what the future holds hey', he spoke softly.

'Yeah', it softly sounded, and she needed to confess he had pretty light eyes, holding a color that made her swallow. Damn, he was a good man. Holding something so balanced in his ways; soft but strong. Some one you could depend on, some one who would understand. Stevie blinked; 'you mind if I pay a quick visit to the ladies room?', added with a pointing gesture towards the toilettes.

'Of course not.'

***

Stevie tugged at the ring; 'come on, why don't you come off?'. The water run over her fingers again. A final attempt failed and she looked up into the mirror. What's wrong? Why don't you let me go?

Or was she messing with her own mind; just thinking she had seen him. Right there; in the back of the pub; tall, dark. But just for a second and he was gone. It wasn't him, of course not.

_It's just your imagination._

This ring is fooling with your mind.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks a lot for your reviews. I have quite a lot in store so keep reading ;) Glad you enjoy!_

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**Chapter 4.**  
It was three hours later when Stevie felt her heart beat speed up a little, taking her steps towards the front porch of Drovers Run, Russ followed easily next to her and shyly she let her gaze fall to the ground. After all the night hadn't been bad. She had felt quite entertained, surely leaving heavy topics behind them. It wasn't needed for now.

Twirling around to stop and say her goodbye Stevie felt Russ' intense stare fall on her face, into her eyes as she gazed into his. 'I had a great night, thanks', she gently spoke, not just out of politeness. He saw how she swept her red curls over her shoulder, watching her in amazement.

'My pleasure. I had a great night too ... I won't beat around the bush Stevie; I like you, I really like you', Russ spoke clear, the expression in his eyes showing he was completely honest. She tried to find a sign of nervosity in them, something that showed he hardly had a clue where to take the both of them, just like her.

Holding her breath for a moments she just showed a big smile, rolling her eyes away out of shyness. 'Wow', she spoke, impressed.

'Really', he added, now starting to grin, trying to catch her gaze. 'I'm serious, know that I'm serious about you.'

Stevie fought that unsteady feeling inside, the one that told her this was the moment to let him down. To tell him she didn't know what to feel, what to think. 'I wish I could say the same thing about you', she quietly muttered, meeting his gaze. 'But I don't know. I really like you too. You are a great guy ... and surely not unattractive', she added like it would ease his disappointment.

'Righto', he quickly answered. 'I know, you might not be ready and all, but I hope we at least get a chance to really find out what's there between us.'

Again she looked away, thinking obviously. Letting the possibility of them together cross her mind. Nervously Stevie let out a weak giggle. 'Maybe, this is like ... feeling weird.'

'Does this feel weird?', he asked, as she froze underneath the touch of his right thumb on her jaw. Blinking, Stevie swallowed hard to the tender gesture, not immediately noting the look in his eyes. He was pleased and impressed to touch her and to see the effect it had on her. She could be shivering inside. 'Does it?', Russ repeated.

'A bit', cause it did. Remembering the many times Alex had touched her face, the tension it caused inside of her to whatever followed after. Feeling the love and affection. Feeling the need to feel it again. An unexpected step towards her suddenly made her aware of his warmth, of his manly scent. The attraction it hold, and already she closed her eyes.

He studied her; the details of her pretty face. Russ was pleased she let him do this, giving him reason to continue what he had in mind. His fingers rested gently underneath her ear, in the curve of her neck, guiding her closer as he leaned in. She could feel his breath fall onto her skin, his nearness as he closed the gap between them.

Feeling his lips move onto hers, Stevie let herself go for a moment; not thinking, just feeling. Of course they had kissed before, but that was months ago and time seemed to change and move fast. It was soft and she even made herself move into it; another smooch shared between them which claimed more of their lips. Her hand moved slowly onto his shoulder, lowering down as she finally gently pushed him back; just a bit.

Just enough to let them break apart.

Russ stayed close, just inches away, opening his eyes he met her big brown eyes staring at him. Swallowing he softly slid his hand off her. 'Was that okay?', he uttered.

Stevie took a deep breath, letting a soft smile conquer her lips. 'Yeah', she quietly answered, still letting her fingers gently hold on his chest. Her gaze fell onto his body. Looking up quickly, with a little shake Stevie pressed her lips tightly on to each other. 'I better get inside', she spoke with a sigh. 'Good night.' Throwing a gently smile she saw him give her an impressed smirk, a gaze that only would stop following her till she really had disappeared.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5.**  
'They're on the front porch', Ben spoke with a grin, finally sitting down at the kitchen table. Marcus leaned easily with his back against the kitchen counter, swallowing another swig of beer, while Jaz and Ingrid had settled at the long side of the table.

'You're way too nosy Hall', Marcus chuckled amused, looking at his mate.

Ben showed a cheeky grin; 'I'm just pleased. It's good to see Stevie getting back in saddle. It's where she belongs. And Russ seems like a good guy.'

Ingrid nodded agreeing; 'he's great to work with. Easy and willing to take his turn. It gives me some more time to spend with mister rich kid over there'. She showed a sweet smile, obviously flirting with the blonde man near the sink, who quietly let his lips form a 'I love you too'.

'As long as she's happy, and if Russ is the one to accomplish that, cheers to Russ', Marcus stuck his bottle of beer up in the air, finding Ben and Ingrid agreeing with a chuckle and a cheers to come along.

Jaz sat quietly, sighing out. It draw Ben's attention who frowned lightly at her. 'We better get going', she just muttered in reply.

Ben gave her a confused look; 'no way, she's about to come in. I wanna know how things are going.' He could already hear her footsteps coming from the hall way. A quick glance into the crowded kitchen made her lean shortly against the door post.

'Hi', Stevie just exclaimed.

All greeted her. 'Had a nice night?', Ben asked, lifted his brow, showing a smile.

She pressed out a smile, knowing her cousin's concern for her. It was sweet. 'Yes, it was', she took in a deep breath; 'I'll better check on Xander and get some sleep'. A quick gesture with her hand, made her spin around towards the stairs.

'Righto', Ben stated, looking at the empty door opening; 'not too talkative there.'

'No need to be talkative. Give her some time', Jaz spoke, looking at him shortly. It made him frown again, not sure where her previous cheery mood had suddenly gone. Ingrid and Marcus noticed the moment between the new couple, sharing a glance now that made them agree instantly.

'Ey, long day. We better get some sleep too', Marcus said, pushing his body away from the counter. Ingrid threw him a gently smile, getting up too. Curling her arm around his waist a moment, glancing up deeply into his eyes.

'At my place that is', she grinned pleased, in full anticipation of sharing another night with him.

***

Minutes later Jaz placed a few glasses into the sink, brushing a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. She felt him come closer to her. Ben now just stood inches away behind her. He wasn't sure what to say or do, resting his palm onto the edge of the counter right next to her he gazed up for a moment, swallowing. 'Is everything okay? You turned quiet', he asked.

Jaz slowly turned, not willing to meet his gaze instantly. 'It's ...', she clearly hesitated, searching for words. Licking her lips she now met his concerned gaze. 'This whole thing, Stevie, Russ ... you might just give her some time to figure out for herself how it all feels. I know you mean well, and I also know you will ask first thing when you see her tomorrow, but ...'

'But?', Ben asked, hoping she would really tell what was on her mind. It was a way to get to know her better, surely now they were sort of an item, just for hardly a week. But it felt good.

She gazed past him, stroking her hand down her jaw. 'I know what she is going through and it's not easy, but she needs this, I know.' She saw again that little confused expression on his face, but denied it for now. 'Ironically ...', she started, now looking in his big brown eyes; '... Alex was my Russ. He helped me to get back in the saddle.'

'What?', it was all he managed to get out.

'It was years ago', she let out, even adding a smile, to point out it didn't matter much. But Ben gently took her upper arm, caressing his thumb over the soft matter of her blue shirt. Taking a breath Jaz looked up at him again; 'I lost my fiancee, Mark. I got here back at Drovers and ... Alex was there for me. But I left, I choose something that belonged to me; show jumping. It was my life, it had been Mark's life. Partly a way to fulfill his dream too.'

Impressed he let out a 'wow'. 'I didn't know. I'm sorry.'

She showed a smile; 'it's okay. Like said it happened years ago.'

'Doesn't mean it makes the pain any less', Ben replied, feeling the need to take her in his arms, but he still had to figure her out. He couldn't yet read her easily, but he was pleased she told him this.

Jaz lowered her gaze, just staring at his chest. Her hand slid to his waist, softly holding on to him. 'You learn how to deal with it, I guess. He's in my heart, but I did move on. But at times you wonder, how it would have been. Together, married, being on the circuit together, having children after. Life would have been so different.'

'True', he swallowed hard, seeing a ray of emotion shine through in her eyes. Ben rubbed her upper arm now fully, showing a supportive smile. 'I guess you are right, cut her some slack.'

Jaz nodded; 'she just needs to do this on her own, step by step. Just wanna say it doesn't automatically mean that she really gets herself in something serious. But Russ could be that man that at least makes her believe again.' She quietly exhaled, having said enough. Knowing her words had their effect on him. He was sweet, his mind letting her words slowly sink in. He now pressed her gently against his side.

She leaned towards his chest, letting herself rest into his embrace, as he hold her around her back. Letting her fingers stroke his shirt lightly she looked up; 'Ben?'

'Yes', he answered looking down on her, still holding her close.

'Can you stay with me tonight?', she asked, her words emphasized with the bright look in her eyes.

Ben started to show a cheeky smile; 'stay with you tonight? Like sleeping with you? You think I would say no to that'.

Jaz rolled her eyes and let her fingers tuck at the front pocket of his shirt. 'Just sleeping, yes ...', slowly she looked up at him again; 'I think I like having you close.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6. **  
Stevie bend quietly over the little crib of her baby boy. Xander was sound asleep, no doubt about that. He already was a tight sleeper like his dad had been. Rather quiet during the night, luckily, sleeping through most nights, or at least till 5 o'clock. She felt the need to hold him, lift him out of his bed to just have him in her arms. The suiting comfort of her son, their son.

At times it gave her strength, at times it made her sad and quiet, scared to know he only had one parent left. What if anything would happen to her? Where would it leave him? But she had always swept that scary thought quickly away, knowing there were many here that loved him like he was their true family, and of course there were Ben and Marcus who were keen on making Xander a real boy, a man, just like his dad had been. Both reminding her at times of Alex, their ways were some times similar. Surely Ben who, although a few days after Xander's birthday, couldn't resist placing that big beer can in front of Xander's tree house. Stevie grinned at the memory of Jaz and Ben having their whiny moment that made them rather typical.

She softly let her fingers brush over her son's cheek. 'You sleepy head, not even waiting for mommy to get back home hey'.

It made her rather unsure, now realizing there wasn't that much of a resemblance between Russ and Alex. Of course Russ was a great guy, but he didn't have much of a cheeky sense of humor, or typical tough male ways. He was Russ, just Russ; reliable, manly, but friendly. Pretty much a thinker she guessed, not that much of one that would jump before thinking. He probably had thought about them a lot, maybe even planned on kissing her that night. Suddenly she shrugged, just noting he had more similarities with Nick.

Sighing she brushed her hand up her forehead, walking towards the bed and letting herself sit down. That framed picture seemed to stare at her, catching her attention. 'What am I about to do Alex?', she muttered, sliding under the covers a moment later. Her fingers slid towards her right hand, feeling her wedding ring still tightly around it. No movement possible; stuck. 'Gah', she muttered, turning around and pressing her face into her pillow, out of frustration.

***

The next morning Regan bumped into a half naked Ben making his way out of the bathroom, all showered and with a massive grin on his face. 'Uhm good morning I suspect'.

'Good? It's a brilliant morning today Regan', he smirked, walking past her, even turning around to show more of his cheeky smile while he brushed a towel through his wet hair. She let her eyes for a moment fall onto his muscular hairy upper body. Even caught herself staring, which he clearly noticed, making him even grin more, for as far as that was possible. He turned around walking further towards Jaz' bed room.

Regan felt her cheeks blush. God, pathetic, checking out your sister's boyfriend. The clear sign she needed a man.

***

Pleased Ben closed the door. 'Funny', he stated, pointing back, seeing his girlfriend sit on the edge of her bed, brushing her blonde hair.

'What?', she asked with a gently smile, looking sideways at him.

'Your sister. I would swear she just was checking me out', Ben exclaimed, flashing a massive smile towards her. He grabbed his shirt of the nearby chair.

Jaz frowned; 'what? Grace?'

'No, Regan'.

'You bumped into Regan? Like that? God, she must think we had sex', Jaz muttered, willing to burry her face in her hands and to hide in her room for the rest of the day. Ben looked at her amused, sitting down next to her and patting her on the knee.

'Oh yeah that must be like the worst thing ever right? Us having sex'. She felt him pinch her knee now, rather tender. Looking aside she saw two eye brows wiggling at her, a broad smile underneath, brown twinkling eyes gazing at her suggestively.

'We better take it step by step Ben', she told him, not able to hold back her amusement. Typical man, typical Ben. She patted him back on his knee. 'Do remember like a week ago you still were half in a relationship with someone you once wanted to marry.'

'Right', he breathed out, weakly disappointed. Ben moved closer and pressed his lips onto her cheek. 'I love spending the night with you anyway, slept like a baby.'

Jaz now smiled at him, remembering the past night; 'as far as I know Ben, babies don't snore like that'.

Grace, Regan and Jaz had left early; ready to muster the cattle and to check the fences of the boundary paddock. Jodi had woken from Xander's crying and had picked up the little boy quickly, sneaking into Stevie's room. Obviously mom was way far gone into dreamland and didn't note her son's crying.

Holding Xander against her chest she swayed the boy quiet. 'You've been sleeping a long time, haven't you?', she softly spoke to him, enjoying it. It prepared her for her own baby to come. And Xander was surely good practice. Big blue eyes gazed at her, recovering from a cry. 'I smell you need a new nappie hey. Let's get you one so you mommy can sleep some more.'


	7. Chapter 7

_Happy new year to all of you! Have a nice read!_

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**Chapter 7. **  
'So you and Ben ...', Regan just stated with a fake smile on her lips as they reached the boundary paddock. Quickly she glanced towards her sister who was quick to dismount her horse.

'He stayed the night, didn't he?', Grace just let out. She was vaguely interested, not that she didn't want to. Just the fact her sister was happy with the man she wished for was a slight torture to her own dream, or better to the love she held for Marcus. Regan gave her a quick grin, lifting her brow shortly as she noticed Jaz' quietness.

Jaz walked towards the fencing, seeing it clearly been cut open; 'yes he did', she just told nonchalant between breathes as she lifted a piece of wire. 'I would say it's cut'. She quickly glanced towards her sisters.

'Looks like it', Grace noted, feeling keen to give the fencing all of her attention, already knowing the just started conversation wouldn't just about to end with a piece a wire.

'So ...', Regan smiled, resting her hand on her hip; 'I do am allowed to ask, aren't I?'

'Ask yes, not to check him out', Jaz now threw a smile at her, knowing it would put a stop to her curiosity. Regan instantly stared away over the wide open paddock. 'So, did you? Check Ben out?' Amused Jaz's eyes didn't break the gaze she had set on her older sister.

'Okay I did', Regan finally sighed, letting her hands down and just turning her face to give the blonde girl a quick look. 'I'm pathetic I know.'

'You need a man', Jaz chuckled, licking her lips shortly, her gaze falling onto Grace who had kneeled down next to the fencing, giving it an examining look.

'Who doesn't', it just sounded; 'who on earth would cut this fence? There hasn't been any cattle stationed here for weeks.' Grace waved away a fly, not looking up at her sisters, who gave each other a quick look.

'Sorry', Regan muttered; 'I guess it's not easy for you to see Marcus and Ingrid all glowy together', Regan let out.

Grace looked up at her, not letting go off the broken fence. 'We better check all fences.'

***

Stevie had woken up from the little sounds Jodi made when she lay Xander back into his crib. 'Oh God how late is it?', she asked, rubbing her eyes and blinking a few times after, staring at Jodi as her tired body stretched. Now her head turned quickly to her left, staring at the alarm clock. 'It's already 8', Stevie nearly screamed, all shook up.

'Shhhh ... can you stay quiet. Xander ...', Jodi said, pointing at the little man in the crib. 'No need to hurry any way. Regan, Grace and Jaz are out to the boundary paddock. They muster the sheep later on after checking its state and the fencing around.' She brushed a blonde curl behind her ear, rather calm, now resting her hand on her swollen belly.

'I do need to clean the troughs', Stevie muttered, already annoyed knowing that stinky task was hers today. She sat up, sitting against the head of the bed, ruffling her hand through her wild red curls. Sighing for a moment she saw how Jodi sat down on the edge of her bed.

'I guess you needed that bit of sleep', she smiled.

'I guess so', Stevie yawned.

'So how was last night?', Jodi now asked, shifted a bit onto the mattress.

Stevie rolled her eyes; 'I know there was something up your sleeve. Still as nosy.' She saw that twinkle in Jodi's eyes, making her grin too now.

'Yes, true. I wanna know, so spill'.

Stevie brushed her right hand up her forehead, onto her hair, feeling instantly the ring around her finger. No, she wasn't used to feel it, not used to work with it. For a second she thought of the fact needing to tape it every day. Unconscious she touched it when resting her hands in her lap. 'Oh well you know, just a nice evening.'

'So talkative ...', her blonde friend rolled her eyes, before seeing how Stevie tried to turn the little golden piece around her finger. 'Still can't get it off?'

'No ...', Stevie inhaled deeply and stared at her fingers. 'It's confusing.'


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8.**  
Jodi looked at her friend, with sympathy. 'You miss him, don't you?' Stevie looked up at her. Her brown eyes telling her enough, the slight nod with her face. Of course she missed him.

'Sorry that I wasn't there, there for you', Jodi quietly exclaimed. 'I've missed so much.'

She saw how Stevie smiled gently at her, obviously not needing the words to tell her it was okay. 'You know when we talked, just before I left. I really made a wish for you there, that you two would sort things out', a small smile played on her lips; 'I don't even know how you two got together.'

Stevie lowered her gaze for a moment. Her lips curling up to the memory which appeared in her mind. 'Just then, just when you had left. I guess you and Matt gave us the last needed kick. Why be so stubborn when you just want to be together?' Talking about it, she seemed rather serene. Her fingers still playing with her ring. 'He told me to meet him later on. He took me away in his chopper to fields full with canola', she now grinned; 'to tell me he loved me'.

'You're kidding', Jodi let out amused and surprised at the same time, seeing how telling this made Stevie's eyes lit up. 'Since when did Alex Ryan become a romantic? The most romantic thing I can remember Alex ever doing was bringing his laundry over for Tess to wash and iron it. Can't remember him doing anything romantic when he was with Claire either, apart from turning Drovers into a mess'.

Jodi chuckled, feeling how Stevie hit her leg.

'Alex had his very romantic ways', she let out forcefully, smiling though. Jodi looked at her in disbelieve. 'No really, I wished you would have seen what he had planned to propose me. He just wanted it to be perfect, both dressed up, rowing in a boat over the water to have a romantic dinner during the sun setting in the sky and than popping the question. Well that all didn't happen; in the end we ended up in the mud.' Jodi laughed, big eyes staring at Stevie who now giggled too; 'really that was the most romantic thing of all. And during our honeymoon, our sort of wedding night; candles everywhere. He always wanted everything to be perfect.'

She smiled, just the memory that warmed her heart.

'God impressive. I guess with the right woman ...', Jodi smiled, reaching out to squeeze her hand.

Stevie smiled thankfully; 'and you? I've missed heaps between you and Matt, obviously ...', she grinned, referring towards Jodi's swollen belly.

'Well we did marry, not too much of a fancy wedding, but it was perfect anyway', a dreamy look appeared on the McLeod's face. 'Yes, it was perfect.' She sighed, clearly, her lower arm circling around her belly again.

'You do miss him too don't you? When is he coming?', Stevie asked.

'Not sure, he is rounding up some stuff. He says he'll be here soon ...', her voice trailed off. Jodi couldn't remember feeling like this before. Bloody pregnancy hormones made her almost cry.

'Ask him to come home, as soon as possible. He will understand', Stevie spoke as she leaned forwards and rested her hand onto Jodi's lower arm. Jodi breathed in as Stevie pressed out a supportive and understanding smile.

'Can I? Can I really ask him that?', Jodi said quietly.

'Yes you can and believe me, you need him with you ...', she swallowed hard, her eyes dropping to spot the sheets and to fight the upcoming tears. The memory and feelings suddenly so vividly in her mind.

'I'm sorry Stevie.'

Stevie brushed her hair wildly back, licked her lips quickly and rolled her eyes up to win the battle. Sniffing and looking at the ceiling shortly. A moment later she showed Jodi a smile, breathing out; 'you two will be fine. Just enjoy every bit okay?' Jodi nodded to her friend's words. 'In the meantime, what on earth am I going to do with Russ?' She looked meaningful into Jodi's eyes.

The blonde McLeod showed a smile; 'Some wise woman once told me you can't be told what to do. It has to come from you, just follow your heart.'

Touched Stevie showed her a soft, tender smile; 'thanks. Sometimes you need to get reminded of your own advice.' She pinched her friend's arm softly. 'And wise woman, well we surely came a long way. What ever happened to the good old days you called me a slave driver?' She grinned now.

'Well, that depends if you gonna ask me to help you clean the troughs', Jodi chuckled.

'I bet you have better things to do', Stevie spoke. Both knowing she was referring to Matt.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9.**  
It was a day later when Regan hurried after Marcus, down the steps of the Drovers' veranda. 'Marcus wait a sec', she breathed in and out deeply, at least pleased she had caught him before he would leave to Killarney.

He turned around and frowned, now standing on the dry soil at the back of the main house. 'Did I forget something?', Marcus asked, not sure why Regan came running after him.

'Oh no', she quickly waved away a few flies, taking in another deep breath to calm down her body. Her condition still needed to get better, no doubt working on Drovers would increase it. He gazed at her face, her nearly out of breath way. Deep brown friendly eyes started at him. 'I wanted to talk to you about Grace'. That was out in the open, and it felt quite good Regan noted.

'Is she okay?', he asked, a certain concern in his voice. Still his brow held a frown, eyes weakly narrowed. His hands rested on his hips, wearing his green shirt.

'Well, she's coping. I mean, I know you guys didn't have another choice than to break up, and well I know you care about her. I know you're crazy about Ingrid, but ...', she took her moment, hoping he would understand; 'Grace felt that way about you, for quite some time. It's not easy for her to see you and Ingrid all cozy all the time. Surely with you spending most of your nights on Drovers now.' Regan blew out. Her brown eyes gazing intensely at him, waiting for his reply.

'Oh', Marcus mumbled; 'I ... well I thought she kinda was dealing well with it'. He felt himself weakly turning on his feet, unsure to this bit of information.

'Of course she doesn't want you to know. She wants you to be happy, but maybe you could think about it, try to not make it so obviously with Ingrid when Grace is around.' It was pretty much all she wanted to tell him, nothing more nothing less. It was for the better, just looking after her sister.

He breathed deeply in through his wide nostrils and nodded; 'okay, I'll try.'

***

Russ' Ute was parked on the entrance of Neil Thompson's homestead. Gathering his equipment together he saw Ingrid driving towards him. For a moment he leaned against the right side of his Ute, shaking his head amused, seeing her stop her Ute and step out. 'We really should get a secretary', he chuckled, grinning at her.

Quick steps let the small blonde vet towards him. 'I just got a call from Jodi, thought I should check it out. Didn't know you were already dealing with it', Ingrid told him.

He looked amused at her; 'I bet Neil called Drovers to check if you were there, than called me and Jodi still thought you needed to go. Okay twice in a week already, we might give her some instructions', Russ now smirked; 'I'm covering it, but you can help. His stud bull has been acting strange since last night. Just looks like a little infection, but not 100% sure if it's all'.

Their companionship was working out quite well; both liked each other and tried the best to make it work, only these little mess ups made it hard which job whom would cover.

'Okay, I'll walk along with you. You have it all?', she asked to be sure, but he obviously had.

He looked at her shortly, giving her a smile as they both walked towards the back. 'Just a treatment with dimetridazole chlorhydrate would have to do, but doubting if it's all. So if you can check it too.'

Ingrid was pleased he was the kind of man that saw her as equal, and wouldn't back away from a second opinion.

Minutes later Russ was treating the bull. Neil had seen it went well so had left the two vets alone after making a joke about having to pay twice now. 'We need to find a solution for that', Ingrid grinned.

Russ moved back, just watched the animal, his eyes focused. 'You've seen Stevie these last few days?', he just spoke, without looking at her. He slid the gloves of his hands, content with his work so far.

'A bit', Ingrid just answered, crossing her arms in front of her chest. She was now getting curious what he exactly wanted to know.

'Is she okay?', he now turned towards her and gazed shortly at her, before his eyes looked down and he brushed the dirt of his jeans.

Ingrid smiled gently, looking at him; 'I think so yes. You wanna know if she has said something about you?' Amused she was waiting for his reply.

A bit nonchalant, not bothered much, he just answered; 'well maybe, not that any girl talk would need to be spilled. Just wondered if she is okay.'

Her eyes gleamed, finding it rather cute how a man could ask such things. Her grin was saying enough. Looking at her Russ now had to smirk too, feeling his own pathetic ways of just asking the obvious. A bit shy he started to scratch the back of his head with his right hand; glancing away, but grinning sheepishly. 'That obvious hey'. Ingrid nodded amused. He know stuffed his hands in the pocket of his jeans, holding a silly grin. 'I just really like her.'

'I see that', Ingrid said, wetting her lips quickly; 'sorry that I can't help you much. You might just better ask her yourself, but I guess she really had a great time the other night.'


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10. **  
'Just two more days', Jodi spoke, sighing content and with anticipation to have her husband with her again. She gazed around, her eyes falling over the paddocks at the horizon. Stevie stretched and stared at her, seeing how she just held on to her swollen belly and enjoyed the rays of sun on her face. Obviously in her dreamland already having Matt with her. Stevie had to smile weakly, holding the carrots she had jut pulled out of the soil.

Brushing the back of her hand against her nose, leaving dirt on her face she stretched her back further, feeling the strain lightly fade away. 'You know Jodes, you could help me getting out tonight's dinner.'

Jodi suddenly stared to her left, looking at her friend. 'Oh sorry, I bet you must get really sick of me.'

'Why that?', Stevie asked, her hand resting shortly on her lower back. She took a few steps to look at Xander who slept peacefully in his buggy, his little hat far over his face, which made her grin.

'You know, me and Matt, you and Alex, I mean I'm already whining after not having him with me for a week or so, while you had to miss ...', her voice dropped. _Miss Alex for the rest of your life. _Jodi swallowed, feeling bad and selfish now.

Stevie brushed a lock of hair out of her face, straightened her back again. She breathed in deeply, seeing how Jodi now stared at her. 'Just promise you never let go off Matt', she said, pinching her friend's shoulder weakly. 'I better get these inside', she shortly showed Jodi the bunch of carrots and lettuce. 'You take Xander with you?'

Jodi only nodded, feeling still as bad. She followed later on, checking on Xander who seemed to have woken up. 'Hey little one, you think we can arrange something for your mommy, make her smile?'

***

Marcus wrapped his arms around Ingrid's waist, pulling her close to him; the bright smiley look on her face when she looked at him was always breath taking. 'So you're finished for today?', he asked hopeful.

She nodded pleased; 'yes I am, but I promised I would have dinner at Drovers so I'm only here shortly, wondered if you wanna get along with me.' Ingrid stood half on her toes, trying to even get closer to him. She loved his smile, suddenly now fading a bit as he glanced away.

'About that, maybe we shouldn't be spending so much time at Drovers', he just let out. Marcus felt his steady breathing through his nose, remembering Regan's words earlier this day. Now distracted when he felt how Ingrid's fingers pulled at the collar of his shirt.

'Why that?', Ingrid asked, with a weak concerned look on her face, frowning softly.

'I know you love it there, but it's not the most ideal place, surely not your room, and I'm not sure for how long your bed will keep up', he now smirked, seeing how she showed a naughty look in return.

'So what do you suggest?', Ingrid asked, now glancing at his chest, her fingers still fiddling with the green fabric.

Marcus looked at her, waiting for a moment to answer her question; 'Here, you can move back to Killarney.'

'Wow', she let out; 'you want me to move in with you?' Her eyes gazed at him, unsure, impressed but surely not sure. It would be so fast and of course there was still a bit of a problem with moving to Killarney; she would end up being seen as Killarney's personal vet. Somehow people didn't bother her living at Drovers.

'Yeah', he calmly spoke, but inside he was rather nervous. Marcus now glanced over her, towards the trees standing in line next to the entrance. 'It would make it easier for all of us ... and we would have a more stable bed', he smirked for a moment; 'more space, more privacy. Grace wouldn't be confronted with us every day.'

Ingrid now narrowed her eyes and stared up at him; 'is this about Grace?'

He looked at her, suddenly searching for more in her worried eyes. 'No, it would be positive for her, no doubt, but I really wouldn't mind having you here.'

'You want me really living with you, taking yet that other step, or you just want to give Grace a break', Ingrid asked suspicious.

'Both, really I want you here'.

She moved unsteady in his embrace; 'I don't know if that's really what you want Marcus.'

He frowned at her, weakly agitated; 'of course I want that. You obviously aren't jumping of joy.'

Ingrid moved back, feeling his hands now slip to her hips. She stared at him; 'I think it's fast. I've just returned. I wanna take things slow and I kinda like it on Drovers, after everything that happened.'

'You are safe, Paul can't harm you anymore. We can do whatever we wanna do Ingrid', he told her, chancing his tone in his voice, rather caring and hoping this conversation wouldn't end up in an argument.

She breathed out, taking a moment, her flat hands strolling a bit down his chest. 'I wanna be with you, of course I want to. I need a bit more time. I guess I can stay more nights at Killarney, if that's what you suggest?'

He brushed his fingers back over her left cheek. Exploring the beauty of his girlfriend's face, pure beauty. 'I don't want us to fight over this, just know that I would really like you to move in with me, but if you're not ready yet. I'm fine with it.'

Ingrid leaned into his hand, his thumb feeling a bit rough on her skin, obviously the marks of his work on the farm. She took in a deep breath as she had closed her eyes. Opening them again she pressed her lips into a smile. 'Thanks', she quietly spoke stretching out her arms and wrapping them around his waist. Her head rested on his chest and he just held her.


	11. Chapter 11

_Did I say I love reviews? Anyway, let me know what you think, and don't be afraid this story will not end any time soon. I have heaps of chapters in store._

* * *

**Chapter 11. **  
'Isn't Marcus eating with us?', Stevie asked rather curious to see Ingrid sitting with her at the kitchen table cutting carrots and not mentioning anything about her boyfriend. She didn't look at the blonde now trying to feed Xander as he sat in the little chair next to her.

Grace took a sip of her water, instantly feeling her grip tighten around her glass with this specific question. She leaned against the kitchen counter and could feel the dirt all over her face and neck, keen to take a quick shower before dinner. Ingrid shortly turned her head, looking at the McLeod. 'It's good to spend a bit of time apart', she just spoke, looking at Stevie now.

The red head frowned; 'everything okay between the two of you?' She know swept away the food gathered around her son's mouth.

'Oww, we're great', Ingrid spoke with enough enthusiasm, but moving unsure on the wooden chair. Obviously Grace's presence was far from making her feel comfortable. 'We just take things slow'. She hoped it would be enough, that it would satisfy Stevie curiosity, quickly chopping another carrot.

Stevie looked up, and met Grace's gaze shortly, who felt too much anyway. 'I better get take a shower, see yah.' She quickly left the room, causing Stevie to stare at Ingrid.

'You're sure everything is okay?'

Ingrid formed a sweet smile; 'oh don't worry Marcus and I are going well. But we figured it wouldn't be all this easy on Grace to see us constantly together. After dinner I'll go to Killarney.' Her smile now grew.

Stevie grinned; 'good, and I know how tough it must be for Grace. Better not rub it in. I'm glad you two are fine.' She had caught Ingrid's wrist, pinching it lightly in a supportive way, pressing out a caring smile.

***

'This is getting weird', Regan spoke, as she walked into the Drovers kitchen minutes later.

'What?', Stevie mumbled, stealing a piece of carrot to stick in her mouth. She sat easily on her chair, now one feet on Ingrid's chair, now that the blonde had taken her position behind the stove.

Regan forced Stevie to put her foot to the floor, sitting down on the chair; 'Skinny Jim's; the fencing is cut. First the boundary paddock two days ago, now completely at the other side of the property.'

'It's not like we're missing any cattle', Jaz spoke as she said down opposite to her sister. 'But we better check all fencing tomorrow, who knows there is a part completely cut open. We can't take the risk of losing any cattle. Better check on the mob in Little Regret first thing tomorrow.' She took her chance to also pick a piece of carrot.

'We live on that mob. The sales are next week, the only chance of us staying out of the red zone', Stevie spoke; 'do we miss anything else; equipment?'

Regan already shook her head; 'no, besides what on earth would they have to steal from us? They would pick Killarney without a doubt.' She sighed deeply, resting her face into the palm of her hand.

Ingrid turned around, for a moment stopping to stir into the pan in front of her; 'Killarney is full with cameras, no one would even think to burn their hands there. So far haven't heard anyone else about this fence cutting, maybe just some youth with way too much free time on their hands.' She now tasted her soup sipping carefully at a spoon filled with the hot liquid.

'Oh come on, they even have better things to do. Why would they do that?', Regan muttered, sliding lower onto the table. It had been a long day.

'Someone who likes to bug us with extra work', Jaz spoke, chewing on another carrot.

'Hey, I need all that carrot for my soup!', Ingrid let out, ticking Jaz on her fingers when she picked another one.

Stevie rested back in her seat, not noticing how Xander now played with his spoon, spreading food all over the plate of his baby chair. 'If there's another fence being cut we better call the police. It's weird. They might be cattle thieves after all … Xander!' She quickly took the spoon out of the boy's hand; 'you naughty one, now it's all dirty, yuk, yuk …', she spoke to the child, which made the others grin.

'I wonder where he got that from', Regan chuckled.

'Not me, I tell you. Must be your daddy's genes', Stevie spoke, now trying to clean the plate, and Xander. Regan gave Jaz a quick look, noting her sister was thinking the exact same thing. If Stevie started talking like this, maybe she was ready after all.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12.**  
Stevie gazed at the stars which slowly started to show up in the sky. Deep in thoughts as her fingers held the ring on her other hand. It was still there, still messing with her mind. Looking up she wished for some sign, some silly sign of Alex that it was okay. That this was just a coincidence. If only she could just talk to him. Talk, touch, be in his strong embrace for just a second. It would be enough, some sort of approval and strength to fall in love again.

She suddenly shook up, hearing her name. But it wasn't Alex' voice. Russ walked up to the veranda; the spot where she was just sitting on the little bench. 'I hope I didn't startle you', he let out unsure. 'I just checked if Ingrid was around. We had some mix up today', he said, pointing his hand back, to clear up he had been looking for her.

'She's at Killarney, with Marcus', Stevie smiled gently.

'Oh right …', for a moment he stood there unsure, steps away from her, his fingers now pressing into the back pockets of his jeans. She had to admit he was cute like this, rather insecure. 'Uhm, may I join you. I promise I won't stay for too long', Russ quickly added.

She had to grin; 'no it's okay. Have a seat'. She moved a bit more to the left corner and patted quickly on the empty spot at her right. Thankfully he gave her a short weak smile, before sitting down. There was some silence.

'Okay, I confess I didn't really come for Ingrid … I … just wanted to see you', he said, swallowing and suddenly gazing into her gentle brown eyes. Stevie smiled a bit shy. 'Like uh … in a way of seeing you're okay', he had muttered a moment later.

'I'm fine', she said, feeling rather uncomfortable. She bit her lip for a moment as brushing the palm of her hand over her neck, pressing out a soft smile.

'Good, that's good', he stated, nodding weakly, trying to find some strength and comfort to tell the things he wanted to tell. 'I hope you're fine about what happened the other night. If I was pushing anything …'

'You weren't', she instantly said. Stevie brushed her hand up over her hair, breathing in. How to say, what to do? Damn Alex. He is this great guy. 'It's weird, but I like you. I really do', she mumbled.

'Yeah that is weird', he chuckled weakly, looking at her and seeing how it lightly eased her mind. A smile playing on her lips. 'No I get it, you aren't ready yet.'

'I am, I should be, right?', Stevie replied, rather quick and suddenly realized she had said those words. Words she shouldn't be telling him. Words she told Alex, or maybe one of the girl, not him.

'It's not for me to say', he replied. Russ just stared at her, seeing how she took in a deep breath and turned her face to just gaze up at the stars.

'Sometimes I wonder if he sees me, sees everything I do', Stevie let out quietly, taking another deep breath. She wished for a cup of hot chocolate in her hands. Not that it was that cold outside, but it was suiting; its smell, its taste. Chocolate was always a sign of needing comfort. It made her think of the time she had taken a whole thermos with hot chocolate with her, causing Alex to whine for coffee. But telling him she needed lots of chocie these days was enough for him to know how she was dealing with Rose.

He didn't say anything. Russ shifted a bit unsure on the small bench.

'He would find me pathetic. Not the Stevie he knows.' Suddenly she heard herself talking and a little embarrassed she stared to the wooden floor. 'I'm sorry, you must think I'm a nutcase.' Her red curls had fallen lightly down her face and she brushed them slowly behind her right ear.

'A gorgeous nutcase', he now grinned. They looked at each other shortly.

Her expression became serious again as she studied his face. Stevie pressed her lips into a smile. 'Maybe I should just shut up.'

Russ gave her a supportive look, a small smirk on his lips. He wanted to say something. That it was okay for her to talk, to talk about Alex. But it wasn't that simple. What could he say to it? She was obviously still full with thoughts of him, and she realized it just as much as he did. 'Maybe it sounds weird, well you already think I'm a nutcase ...', Stevie now started, letting out a silly chuckle.

He smiled at her gently, impressed with her cuteness; 'what?', Russ asked with a deep voice.

Stevie looked at him, and felt her body respond to another inhale of air. 'Can you hold me?'

'Uhm yeah', he uttered, quite surprised with her question. He rose his arm and a bit awkwardly he rested it around her shoulder. God she felt nervous now, uncomfortable she leaned more again him. Feeling his warm body against her, his arm around her; she had to adjust to it. But it was so needed. God, she needed it so much. Just to feel a man, a man that wasn't her cousin or her brother in law.

Slowly her head rested against his shoulder and she closed her eyes, no need to say a word. Minutes passed by before Stevie turned more into his embrace and rested her hand onto his stomach. It felt good, but she didn't feel the need to open her eyes and to look at him. She knew what she had missed so much.

Years back she hadn't been the huggable kind of girl. But Drovers had changed her, Alex had changed her. Through the years his embrace had meant everything. There was always something so suiting about it. Not sure what precisely. His scent, his warmth, the fact he was so huge, so protective. It was everything she wished for and at this very moment she dreamt away.

Just like the time she had danced with Marcus, she had let herself drift away. Thinking about Alex. Stevie felt lips on her forehead, suiting as well and it made her smile. Russ doubted if he should break the silence. The silence that seemed to do her well. 'Stevie', he quietly whispered.

Dreamy she looked up, meeting his gaze. His eyes so blue. It swept her away for the moment. They both reached closer, closing the gap in between. Which separated them, which held their lips apart. Closing her eyes she felt his nose brush against hers, against its right side. His warm breath teasing her lips as they parted.

His lips touched hers. Stevie kissed him softly. Slowly recapturing to kiss him once more. There was something so tender about him, like he didn't want to break her. In need to sense him more her left hand reached up and crawled into the back of his neck. Stevie kissed him rougher and he moved along with her, feeling how she ended up sucking weakly on his bottom lip. His fingers up in her red curls, guiding her gently away.

She waited a moment to open up her eyes, to gaze up at him. Trying to recover so slowly and to still feel him so close. He didn't have to break the kiss, no need to at all. Looking up Stevie saw his soft and gentle eyes stare at her. 'You're okay?'

'Yeah', she quietly answered.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13.**  
Stevie rubbed the palm of her hand onto her eyes, yawning and stretching her body when she entered the Drovers kitchen, seeing Jodi sit there holding Xander. 'Cuppa?', Regan asked quickly, as she poured some hot water into a few cups.

'Uhm yeah', Stevie answered sleepy, than looking back at Jodi. 'You do know that is my son and you don't need to constantly pick him out of bed'. She swirled a close by chair towards her and sat down.

'I don't mind', the blonde McLeod answered shortly. 'Your mommy is in a bad mood', she whispered to Xander.

'Here, take this', Regan placed a cuppa in front of Stevie, on the wooden table. Seeing how she looked up. Her head resting into her hands. Messy hair now half hid her face.

'Can you pour some rum into it', Stevie just answered cynically.

Both McLeod's looked at each other and grinned weakly. 'You know Steves. I leave you to pick up Xander every time he cries from tomorrow on', Jodi smirked. Stevie gazed aside and didn't give her friend that much of a friendly look, cause she knew what she meant. From tomorrow on Jodi would wake up next to her husband and so far Xander had been the perfect distraction. And how happy she was for her friend to have that, it sting.

'I take it you slept very badly, or you have been thinking too much about Vet Connors', Regan said, and sat down, curling her hands around her cuppa as she sat opposite of Stevie.

'Where are Grace and Jaz?', Stevie asked to ignore the comment.

Regan decided to play along for now; 'checking all fences. Wanna get into town with me? You know which supplies we need.' Stevie looked suspiciously at her for a moment. 'It'll be fun, we hardly spend time together since I've arrived'. Which was already ten days ago. Stevie sighed and straightened her back a bit more.

'Okay, it might be fun', she smiled weakly, than looked aside; 'Jodi can look after Xander for the day.'

She stuck out her tongue and moved her chair more towards them.

'Mamma', her son already let out, his arms reaching out for her.

'You like that Xander?' She lifted him up and settled onto her lap. She caressed his dark hair shortly. 'Spend some time with Auntie Jodi? Yeah?' She smiled now seeing him laugh at her. 'Yeah you do, don't you?' He made up his own language of replying and reached out his hand to catch her necklace.

Xander had always done that; reaching for her necklace with her rings, only now it was just one of her old necklaces and he seemed to notice. 'I know', she whispered and pressed her lips on the top of his head.

'Better enjoy your time with Jodi, cause she won't have much time for you the upcoming days, sweety', she finally spoke, holding her boy tightly.

'Okay, we'll leave at 9', Regan said, standing up and patting Jodi shortly on her shortly. In support for handling Stevie's fine mood.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14.**  
Ingrid snuggled more into Marcus' arms. Strong, warm. His body feeling so comfortable, so good. She could feel his warmth, smell his scent and sighed out satisfied. No need to wake up, no sign of an alarm clock yet. It must be still night. Her half conscious dream let back to last night, images, feelings, touches and tastes all making her body glowing remembering the love making.

Suddenly she shook up from a loud knocking. 'Turner, it's bloody past 8, wanted that tractor fixed or what?' She recognized his voice immediately, Ben. She had sat up quickly, wrapping the sheets around her naked chest, pushing Marcus a second later.

'Marcus, it's Ben', she whispered, pushing him once more, seeing how her boyfriend turned and finally opened an eye. Another knock on the door followed.

'Do I have to come in? At drag your lazy butt out of bed?'

'He's coming!', Ingrid shouted, surely not feeling the need to have Ben jumping into their little love nest.

Ben chuckled. 'Waiting … like 5 seconds'. Amused he grinned, knowing Ingrid would push Marcus out of bed if he wouldn't get up within seconds.

'God', Marcus whined, looking up at Ingrid.

'Get up!', she told him firmly. 'I don't want him to get in.'

'Yeah yeah', he yawned and turned, slipping out of the bed. 'Keep your skirt on'. He stretched his arms and Ingrid rolled her eyes to see his entire naked body, making slow steps to his closet.

'You better get something on', she whispered to herself.

'Five!', Ben spoke loudly, hardly able to keep in his laughter . He already moved the door handle, making Ingrid nearly jump.

'Marcus! He's coming in!'

'Relax honey', he yawned and slid some boxers up his legs. 'Ben, stop doing that. I'll be there in a sec.' He could hear his friend chuckle, making him shake his head as he quickly put on his jeans. His purple shirt over his head. Marcus now opened the door and closed it quickly behind him. 'Hall, get alive. You do seem to forget who is the boss and whose the overseer'.

Ben showed a massive grin, keen to see Marcus' annoyed face. It was too easy at times. 'Had a tough night buddy', he spoke, smacking his arm playfully against his chest. 'You know, next time let her do all the work.'

Marcus narrowed his eyes and breathed deeply into through his nostrils ignored his friend's comment. He surely wasn't feeling much like fooling around now. 'Hall, get your ass outside to the tractor. I'll be there in a sec. Out!'He pointed his hand towards the stairs. Ben chuckled and did what Marcus ordered him to do. He would continue his teasing outside for sure.

Marcus shook his head, opening the door of his bedroom again. 'God I should never have given him a key.'

'You should never have hired him', Ingrid now spoke, still sitting up firmly against the head of the bed, holding tightly onto the sheets wrapped around her. Marcus now had to grin.

'Sorry honey, I guess there must have been some sort of reason for us to forget setting the alarm clock.'

Ingrid now grinned innocently at him, her eyes gleaming to see him move towards him. 'I wonder what reason that could be'. Playfully her eyes looked daring at him. Marcus leaned in and she felt his lips softly on hers, his knees now onto the bed, not letting her go yet. A soft chuckle filled the air a moment later.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15. **  
Stevie stared out of the side window of the Drovers truck, her elbow resting lazy on it, half of the time her hand supporting her face. Regan shortly gazed to her friend, noting they had left five minutes ago and Stevie hadn't said a word. 'Have you made a list?', she asked to get her attention.

Stevie shook up out of her thoughts and quickly gazed to her right. Nodding was all she gave as an answer, finally realizing Regan was referring to the needed supplies. Regan smiled shortly, knowing that with this kind of behavior Stevie obviously had something on her mind.

'Wanna tell me about it?', the brown haired McLeod asked as she stared at the road ahead. Instantly Stevie moved unsure in her car seat, already telling her a lot. 'Well we do have all morning …', Regan added with a smirk. 'Anything concerning Russ?', she lifted her eyebrows, glancing towards Stevie, who let out a massive sigh. 'Righto, that bad hey.' Stevie now nodded.

Suddenly with quick hand gestures Stevie started to talk, licking her lips; 'it's like I'm torn; a part of me tells me I should just give it a go, you know', she quickly glanced towards Regan who mostly watched the road, but listened attentive, nodding to what her friend was telling her. 'Like, what on earth changes when I wait any longer. I've let him wait for like three months already. Before you know it one desperate girl out of town snags him away … but on the other hand …'

'Yes …', Regan just spoke. Stevie blew out and closed her eyes.

'I love Alex, I miss him, I want him', she quickly brushed the tears out of her eyes. 'Not that Russ isn't attractive, cause he is, and God knows how badly I need a man.' Stevie now had to grin through her tears about her own desperate state of mind, of body and mind.

'Make that two', Regan grinned at her friend, who found it rather nice to have her react like that.

'It's just … Russ is this great guy and …', she took a moment; 'I'm not sure if I can give him what he really needs. Would it be fair to still love someone else?' Regan now rested her hand shortly onto Stevie's knees, pinching it.

'He knows what he is getting himself into Stevie', Regan answered.

'You think? You think he really does? Does he know what Alex meant to me?', Stevie muttered.

Regan now looked at her; 'he sees'.

'You know', Stevie quietly spoke.

The McLeod nodded, remembering oh so clearly how years ago she had seen sides of Stevie which only Alex had been able to get out of her, or better; her love for Alex. 'But you know what Stevie? Alex would want you to be happy. To move on, to enjoy life, not to hide for every male out there. Sometimes you just have to take the chance and get back in that saddle, without too much thinking', Regan told her wisely.

Stevie nodded impressed, and now started to smile softly. 'So when are you gonna get back into that saddle hey? Cause I can't remember you telling me any gossip about some hot guy since Lyle. That's like nearly two years ago, missy'. She pushed Regan lightly against her left arm.

'Yeah yeah, I know', Regan mumbled, less keen on talking about herself.

'So has there been anyone?', Stevie asked curious, licking her lips enjoying some good gossip. Talking about men in general was a good start anyway to get used to the fact she was back on the market.

Regan shook her head; 'not really.'

'Not really?', Stevie raised her brow; 'what does that suppose to mean?' She wiggled her eyebrows which made Regan smirk.

'Okay there was this one guy, but that's like ages ago, and nothing serious, so …', Regan answered.

'We need to find you a guy', Stevie firmly stated.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16. **  
Stevie gathered the supplies to the back of the Ute, letting out a murmur to the strain it caused as Regan followed her, folding the piece of paper with a list of supplies. 'Now we've only get to Johnson to get the cheap grain', she stated. Stevie leaned against the back of the Ute and sighed, brushing her hand over her forehead. It was warm for sure.

'You know, at times you do remind me of Jodi. Next time I'll keep that list to myself, ánd you will be carrying those bags of grain', she pointed out, now moving away from the back towards the front of the Ute.

Regan grinned shortly; 'next time we will be having money and we'll just order a truck with grain'.

'Righto, that I dream of every night', Stevie muttered, getting inside the cabin, taking her seat.

Regan followed; 'I thought you were dreaming about something else lately'. Amused she looked at her friend who rolled her eyes.

'Like in your dreams, now get on the road cause we need to be back in time', Stevie told her, holding a soft grin on her lips.

Minutes later they appeared at the market in Fisher, which Johnson's was stationed and Stevie got out of the Ute quickly. She took her big steps to the entrance. 'Are you coming Regan?'

'Stevie watch out', Regan shouted, seeing a call pull his brake hard , just to stop before Stevie had crossed the street. 'Are you okay?', Regan hurried after her while Stevie looked a little bewildered. Quickly she placed her hand on her friend's shoulder, who turned and looked at her a bit awkward.

'I didn't see that one coming', she uttered. Stevie breathed out deeply and her fingers moved quickly to feel the ring on her finger. Regan pushed her gently towards the pavement.

'Everything okay? That was close', she heard a male voice say. 'Hey Stevie …', he added. Stevie turned and looked, frowning deeply now.

'Dan, what are you doing here?'

He had parked his car quickly and had stepped out to quietly walk towards the two women. His left hand in the back pocket of his jeans, wearing a light blue polo shirt. 'Uhm, just being in the neighborhood', he answered a bit unsure, swallowing and letting his eyes fall over the two women. 'What about you? Everything okay at Drovers?'

'Oh we just getting some supplies, really in need for some grain', Stevie smirked, licking her lips amused and twirling a bit on her feet. 'And we are coping, luckily. But a little prayer would never be bad.'

'Right', Dan answered. She noted he looked a bit uncomfortable and suddenly saw him stare at Regan.

'Oh right, you two haven't met right? Regan, Dan … she's a McLeod', Stevie rolled her eyes at him, and he quickly shook Regan's hand.

'Nice to meet you. I … I better get going.' He tossed his hand back towards his car.

'Uhm right', Stevie answered, finding his behavior odd. 'I'll see you around I guess.' He turned away and gave the two his final goodbye before slipping back inside his car. Stevie and Regan waited, seeing him drive off.

'Who is that? And how come you know him and I don't?', Regan breathed out, straightening her shirt and lifting her shoulders shortly. Stevie laughed bemused at her. 'No really, he is really hot.'

Stevie laughed; 'that's cause he fell right out of Heaven. It's Fát-her Dan.' She now pulled Regan along at her arm, whose mouth fell open out of amazement.

'You're kidding? He's into church. That is a cruel thing of God to do, we're missing out', the McLeod muttered. She managed to walk along with Stevie, but still was pretty overwhelmed. 'Geesh …'

'I know', Stevie answered; 'he's cute … but that's with most cute men; or they are gay, or they're into God. He did quite our community though. I thought he moved west'. She shrugged her shoulder, finding it obviously weird.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17.  
'Jodi can you just sit down for at least two seconds', Stevie murmured, holding Xander on her arm as she rested against the kitchen counter.

Jodi quickly glanced towards Stevie, nervous now. 'He should have been here already', she breathed out, grasping her hand around the back of the chair, breathing in deeply to stay calm. 'Maybe he forgot how to get here'.

'Jodes, he will get here, no worries okay. It's gonna be fine', Stevie spoke, now looking at Xander and kissing his forehead shortly, tipping his nose. 'Aunty Jodes is a bit nervous hey, yeah.' Jodi shortly looked towards the two, feeling her heart pound down her throat. The sweat centering in the palm of her hand, which clanged around the wood of the chair. She rested her other hand on her belly.

'Daddy's coming home', she shortly whispered. Suddenly she heard a car driving upon the homestead, and she felt her heart drop a beat. 'Oh God, that must be him. That must be Matt', panicked she gazed quickly across the room and Stevie had to smile.

'Come on, go ahead you crazy', she told her. Suddenly it connected in Jodi's mind that that would be a good option and so she hurried through the laundry room outside. Stevie followed slowly behind her.

Matt opened the car door and saw his pregnant wife hurrying to him, already noticing her belly had grown over the last two weeks. But mostly he was mesmerized by her gorgeous smile on her face. Her blonde curls framing her pretty face. 'Matt!', she shouted at him and he quickly ran up to meet her.

They locked eyes shortly, and Jodi could feel his arms around her, guiding her close to his body. Her arms wrapped around his neck and now burying her face against his left shoulder. 'God, I'm so glad you're here, I thought you wouldn't come anymore.'

Matt brushed his hand over the back of her head, making her look up at him and pressing his lips against her soft curls. 'Just had a bit of car trouble along the way, but I'm here.' She started to smile widely at him. Tears were gathering in her eyes, seeing his so tender caring dark watchers gaze down on her. His soft lips in a sweet smile. He suddenly caught her face and guided it towards him, pressing his lips now onto hers.

'I've missed you so much', Jodi's lips mumbled against his.

'Me too', Matt smiled against her mouth, his hand lowering to slip down her body and feel the swell of her belly. 'And how is he doing there down below?', he asked wiggling his eyebrows at her. Jodi stepped a little out of his embrace.

'She is doing great, especially now.'

Stevie stood on the veranda and could hear Jodi's typical giggly loud voice, seeing the couple all lovely together. It made her stomach shrink in, a shot of pain go through her body. Tightly she held on to her son, hugging him. Too many memories hitting her mind, making things blurry before her eyes. Tears of sadness burning in her brown eyes.

Tears of happiness were now falling now Jodi's cheeks. It felt so good to have him at her side again. She held on tightly, not caring how long they would stand there.

'Dadda', it suddenly sounded, which made Stevie glance up, pulling her son weakly away from her to look at him. Her big eyes stared at him.

'What?', Stevie asked, wondering if it was something she just imagined. She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. 'What did you just say honey?', she tried, looking at Xander. For a moment her son seemed to be distracted and didn't look at his mother. 'Xander, what did you just say?', Stevie repeated.

'Daddy yah', he replied, and instantly Stevie stroke the side of his face. His blue eyes looking sweetly at her, as tears rolled down her cheeks.

'Where's daddy than?', she muttered, hardly able to get it out as she turned and gazed around, like she expected to see Alex somewhere. But of course she didn't see him, but closing her eyes and holding on tightly to Xander she could feel him, deep inside her heart.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18.**  
Jodi and Matt walked into the Drovers kitchen. His arm wrapped around her lower back, grinning as she explained pretty much everything that happened during the past few weeks. As talkative as always, and he knew that was partly why they matched so well. He loved her talking, and he loved to be the more quiet one too. 'Stevie?', Jodi now called out, a moment later walking towards the hall, calling her name once more as she stared up the stairs.

No response was heard so she turned back to her husband. 'Odd, she just was here with Xander. You should see Xander …', she now started to smile, meeting his dark gazers, feeling how Matt guided her closer to him. 'He is so adorable.' She pretty much forgot the short moment of thinking it indeed was strange Stevie now was nowhere to be seen. 'Can we just hide away in my room', she now said with a softer voice, moving closer to reach for him and to rub the tip of her nose against his.

Matt grinned, feeling how she didn't much succeed until he leaned in, her stomach in the way. 'I wouldn't say no to that', he breathed out, now stealing a kiss from her soft lips. Jodi started to giggle, turning in his embrace to guide him with her upstairs.

***  
Stevie held her son tightly as she carefully made her way down the stones towards the one she could sit on. She knew it might not be the best place to take her Xander along to, but it was a place she wanted to show him and she just wanted to be alone at a spot Alex had always treasure.

She sat down and stared over the broad beautiful landscape, sighing out, settling Xander in her lap. 'Ain't it beautiful here?', she started, already whipping away the tears that rolled down her cheek. 'And look at that'. She reached her hand out to the surface of the stone at her right. 'AR …'. She curved her index fingers over the mark in the stone. Xander reached out his hand, just as she did, curious what on earth it was.

It made her smile. 'Yeah daddy did that, and really it spells AR.' Stevie heaved her son up in her arms, positioning him right in front of her, and a moment later Xander's eyes were transfixed on his mothers. 'Promise me when you get older you come down here and carve your name in the stone, just right under your daddies, her.' He made some sounds she couldn't really understand, but she figured it was a yes.

***

Ben stopped his car at the side of the road, seeing Stevie's red Holden position only meters in front of him. Frowning he wondered what it/she did here. It was close to Killarney, but further away from Drovers. He walked to it and just let his eyes search the interior, before he glanced around the area. Taking a few more steps into the grass he saw her small figure down below.

It made him frown even more, knowing it wasn't the most safe spot, surely not to take Xander along to. He carefully made his way down. 'Well well, look what the cat dragged all the way down here', Ben cheekily spoke.

A little startled she looked behind her, seeing how Xander already enthusiastically reached out seeing Ben. Quickly she brushed a few tears away and pressed out a smile. 'Hey what are you doing here?'

'Can ask you the same thing', he stated, sitting down next to her at her right. 'Noticed you car down the road', Ben added.  
She smiled; 'just needed some time alone and this is a gorgeous place.'

Ben smirked, reaching out his fingers, which Xander claimed instantly. 'Your mommy is trying to already turn you in a dare devil hey. You can climb rocks later here.' Stevie looked at him, having to smile, knowing eventually Ben wouldn't judge her. 'So how is he doing with taking his first steps?', he now asked.

'He's trying. I guess he will make his true big first steps within a couple of weeks. And we gonna show that to Uncle Ben first thing hey', she now spoke to her son.

Ben studied her, of course he had noticed the teary eyes. 'So exactly why are you up here?', he just asked.

'Matt arrived. It got a bit too close to home seeing the two of them together', she spoke, looking at him, chewing her bottom lip as she felt the tears already marching towards the corners of her brown eyes.

'Right, that must not be easy', Ben said, pinching her knee supportively.

'No', Stevie just said.

'If there is anything I can do …?', Ben asked, seeing her shrug her shoulders.

'Thanks, but you're doing enough. I have to do this on my own. It just hurts to see …', she couldn't finish her sentence, swallowing in the words. He lay his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer against him, seeing how Xander now swept with his little and seemed to wanna join in the hug which made them both smile.


	19. Chapter 19

_Sorry for the delay. Just been busy, and also worked on some other stories. So I hope that won't keep you from reading and reviewing._

* * *

**Chapter 19. **

Jaz was spinning a little on her feet, holding the phone closely to her ear as she stood in the hallway of Drovers. She wished for a bit more privacy but her sisters were fully present in the nearby kitchen, preparing Matt's welcome dinner. She heard Regan's laughter as she tried to sing, but obviously Grace turned out to be talented when it came to that department.

'You should just come to Matt's welcome dinner', Jaz muttered, breathing deeply.

'Oh come one, first; I don't even know the bloke, second; you don't even know the bloke, third … if I were Matt I surely wouldn't be waiting on a surprise dinner when you just wanna be with your wife instead, you know …', he wiggled his eyebrows and wished he could say the same of him and Jaz.

'True', the girl muttered, stealing a glance for the crowded kitchen. She could hear his breathing on the other side of the line; 'so what do you suggest'.

'Just come one over. No one's here, just the two of us', Ben suggested, smirking. That prospective sounded like a perfect melody to his ears.

But Jaz wasn't so sure yet; 'they probably expect me join, and besides that; what do you have to offer?', she now had to grin, already knowing when it came to cooking that surely wasn't Ben's favorite waste of time.

'Okay, that would like', he opened the door of the fridge, than a second later of the kitchen cabinet; 'toast and beans'. He sighed. Living with Patrick hadn't been that bad; at least it made him get some backed eggs once in a while. He could always check Marcus' fridge, but that wouldn't turn automatically into a dish he could serve his girlfriend. Disappointed Ben breathed out; 'I guess you are right, we better join. As long as we won't stick around for long, believe me, they don't want that.'

***

Jodi turned weakly into Matt's arms. It felt perfect, just the tow of them in her bed. Matt seemed to slowly waken up as she heard him sniff, just figuring it her blonde curl tickling his nose. 'What do I smell?', he mumbled as he pulled her back closer against his front and curved his face further into her neck.

She giggled softly; 'my shampoo'.

'No it's not that', he replied. Matt opened his eyes half and turned his face, trying to distinguish the smell. 'Is someone making dinner?', he now asked, as he frowned his dark eyebrows.

Jodi turned towards her husband, her fingertips caressing his short hair. 'I guess so yes, it's ...', she reached up a little and saw her alarm clock already showing an eighteen.

'I must hope they bring some upstairs, you make me hungry', he muttered, now taking in his original position again.

Jodi smiled, wetting her lips. 'I make you hungry? You do know I'm the one that has to eat for two here'. She felt his lips curl into a small against her naked shoulder, his arm protectively around her swollen belly. It was so good to have him back.

***

Regan marched into Jack study to find Stevie behind the desk, she had turned her chair towards the view through the window. Silently gazing outside. 'Oh …', Regan stopped in her tracks; 'you're okay. I thought you were here, I was just wondering; we could invite Russ too for tonight's dinner'. She breathed out and saw how her friend turned her chair to face her.

A vague thankful smile was shown on Stevie's lips. 'I guess I rather do that another time. It's later already, he probably can't come over in time', she answered, brushing her hand through her hair. Regan now gave her friend an examining look.

'You all right?', she asked.

'Fine, just doing some thinking and I wanna call Moira, but it's still so early in Argentina, so I'm waiting for it to be close to seven', Stevie stated. Her eyelids felt rather heavy, just emphasizing the amount of tears she had shed today.

'Right, well I'll guess we will have dinner in about 45 minutes', the brown haired girl exclaimed, throwing her a smile and leaving the Study. On her way back to the kitchen she passed a still phone calling Jaz and smirked, making a sign she really needed to cut the call and think about the costs. It were the little things that counted after all, to be able to keep Drovers out of too much financial problems.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20.**

Stevie bit her lip, holding the phone which still rested down. She stared at the ring around her finger and wondered what it all meant. It was too much coincidence in a short time, wasn't it? The rings, 'seeing' Alex in the pub and now Xander calling his daddy. She never had been a believer, but since Moira had moved in she couldn't deny some things happened for a reason and it seemed there was more that what meets the eye. And although she would deny it, deep inside she wished it was true, that Alex was trying to find his way back to her.

Breathing in deeply she lifted the phone up in her hand, guiding it to her ear. It was still early in Argentina, but she couldn't wait much longer. Patiently she waited for Moira to pick up, her heart beating a little faster. 'Moira', Stevie breathed out relieved, instantly feeling a smile creep up her face.

'Stevie? Is everything okay? It's early?", Moira mumbled a bit sleepy.

'Sorry …', Stevie swallowed; 'sorry if I woke you, I just, I just need to talk and well ..', she searched for words.

Moira smiled softly. It wasn't bad to know your friend still needed you even when you were on the other side of the world. 'Okay, let me get my robe and we'll talk further. Otherwise Phil will wake up.' She grinned, looking at the man behind her. All up in his dreamland, snoring loudly and no idea she was on the phone with someone.

A minute later she seated in the small kitchen of their holiday cottage. 'So tell me, what's up?' Moira waited for her coffee to be made.

'It's just … things are happening and I don't know how to feel, what to think. I just wish you were here', it sounded a little desperate. Again Stevie felt her heart tremble. At times she felt more alone than ever, even with the girls around. They weren't in her position, they didn't know how she felt, and it wasn't something she would hold against them.

'Okay, just tell me, Phil won't arouse in the next upcoming hours anyway'. She heard Stevie apologize again, but quickly she had talked against it and made her friend would tell what she really wanted to tell.

Stevie breathed in, and stared out of the window again. 'I don't know what to feel anymore, a part of me wants to move on, another part doesn't wanna neglect the signs, or whatever they seem to be.'

'What signs?', Moira asked instantly, getting curious now, taking her quick steps towards the kitchen counter to pour her a cup of coffee.

She glanced towards the ring on her finger; 'Regan found my wedding ring and I put it on and since than its stuck. I can't get it off. I tried everything, and the other night at the pub, I thought I saw him, I thought I saw Alex, and this morning when Matt arrived I … I held Xander, watching them on the veranda, and …', she barely could get it out. Already feeling the same emotions crush her heart. 'He said dada, Xander …'

'Owww Stevie', Moira replied, feeling compassion. She wished she could hug her friend, knowing Stevie was now overtaken by tears.

Brushing them away she breathed in deeply; 'he never said daddy.' She had always wonder when that moment would come. Months ago the big moment had happened that he had called her mama. And she had cried, happiness, but a certain sadness too when weeks went by and she realized more and more her son, this little boy didn't know his father, and never would. At times she had seated on her bed and showed Xander pictures of his father, but it was all she could do.

'So I dunno …', she muttered; 'does it mean something? Can you see something?' Stevie knew it didn't really work like that, but it was all she wanted to know.

Moira sat down again. 'I can't say anything about that. But you have to trust your intuition Stevie.' She wished she could say more, something that satisfied that doubting ache in her friend's heart.

'Maybe he's still around', Stevie mumbled. 'Maybe he doesn't want me to be with Russ'.

'He would want you to be happy, Stevie. The question you should answer is are you happy with Russ. Do you believe he can make you happy? If you are ready. You don't have to push yourself, you know that, don't you?', Moira asked.

Stevie thought; wasn't she supposed to move on by now, wasn't she supposed to be sure she would get happy, not even for herself, but surely for Xander. He didn't need a mother who fell asleep at night with tears in her eyes. 'Maybe', she mumbled.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21. **

Dinner was served on Drovers. Jodi 's hand slid over Matt's who sat right beside her at the right side of the table. She pressed out a thankful smile to her cousins who had been busy preparing a fantastic welcome's dinner for Matt. Although she appreciated a lot, she rather had spend it alone with Matt, and she was sure he exactly thought the same.

'So …', Marcus mumbled. After folding his napkin on his lap to rest; 'what are your plans now you're back?' Matt shortly gazed at him, not sure what to say to that. He had to make a living, but nothing was planned so far.

'Spend time with me of course', Jodi now answered for him, smiling widely and patting his arm. 'Luckily Drovers is big enough to raise our own family.'

Grace looked at her, taking another bite of the chicken apricot. 'We surely need to organize, cause the main house does get crowded.' She chewed and swallowed the food easily away, her fork pointing up in her hand. Luckily Regan joined in, cause a quick flash around the table had let Grace know that most of her friends were obviously elsewhere with their minds.

Ben just kept staring at Jaz with that idiotic grin of his, as her sister avoided his stare once in a while a little shyly or at least uncomfortable. Marcus and Ingrid seemed to be just as uncomfortable, stealing glances non-stop. Stevie was in another world too, twirling her fork around on her plate, while struggling to stay seated up. At times she clearly tried to sit up and showed some interest in the couple sitting at her right.

'Time for desert', Regan cheery spoke, placing her glass of wine back on the table.

'Oh we better go than', Ingrid breathed down. Her facial expression showing all signs of need to get out here as soon as possible. Marcus didn't even seem to be surprised, agreeing with her.

'Really?', Grace asked; 'we made chocolate dessert. Marcus?' She looked at him, surprised Marcus Turner was one to skip dessert. She could remember Christmas dinner, and he had eaten tons.

'We … we have an early morning and all, so we better get back to Killarney', he mumbled, already standing up.

Ben easily stepped in; 'oh yes, good you remind me of that. I really should be going too. Jaz?' His brown eyes looked pleadingly at her. But his girlfriend felt rather uncomfortable with his sudden decision, but she decided to at least walk along with him to not make a fuzz at the dinner table.

In the hallway she threw a quick glare. 'I can't just leave like that, and leave the girls with the dishes. They already made such an effort.'

Ben couldn't suppress a soft grin on his lips. It was so typical Jaz, and that expression on her face even rather cute. Yes she was cute while being mad. 'We'll make up for that next time, they'll understand you wanting to spend some time with her hunky boyfriend.' His smile grew and she hit his arm.

'It's not funny Ben. I'm serious here.' Her bright eyes gave him another stare as she crossed her arms before her chest.

'Okay', he spoke, lifting his hand in defeat; 'you know what; we'll do the dishes now, while the other have dessert.'

***

Ben and Jaz had just left when Regan and Grace were up for the last bit of dishes. 'Well what a great night. What's wrong with everyone?', Grace mumbled, while she wrapped a tea towel over a wet plate.

Regan reached up to place some clean dishes back in the cabinet; 'Stevie obviously is trying to deal with Matt and Jodi's happiness. We need to cut her some slack the upcoming days.'

'By her an extra beer tomorrow at the pub party', Grace grinned softly, although she felt bad for Stevie. But it was the inevitable. 'And maybe Russ can lighten her up', she stated, now resting her back against the kitchen counter.

'Maybe', Regan answered; 'dunno what's up with Jaz and Ben thought'. She just stated it between breaths, letting it only wander on her mind for seconds.

'Ingrid is acting weird too, and Marcus skipping dessert. Since when is that, maybe Ingrid has put him on some diet', Grace just joked. But her sister stayed quiet and slowly Grace looked sideways, a little suspiciously at her sister. 'No way …', she slowly let out.

'What?', Regan asked.

'What on earth have you told them?', Grace now spoke, turning towards Regan, holding a plate towards her. A bit unsure Regan glanced down, her fumbled her lips. 'Regan!', Grace now nearly shouted.

'Okay, I did say something, but that's just the fact they are rubbing it in. And you have been in love with Marcus for so long, they should at least bear that in mind a bit more', Regan now clarified. Cause well, she had, at least for more than a year.

Grace stared at her sister, her mouth dropping open out of surprise and to protest. 'I'm not pathetic and I'm not breakable. I can deal with it without you butting in. You make it far worse!**'**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22.**

'Wasn't Matt overseer at Killarney before he left?', Jaz asked, when he drove her to the Killarney cottage. Ben mumbled something, not sure if that indeed was the fact. He didn't know Matt, but maybe Jaz had heard some more info from Jodi.

She stared out of the Ute window, seeing the dark sky above them. Ben quickly glanced towards her. 'Okay, are you still mad at me?'

'No, why would I?', she spoke, not looking at him, but absent mindedly still staring to talus that quickly passed by.

'Well dunno, because I wanted to leave right away and all …', he mumbled.

She stayed quiet and saw them drive upon the entrance road towards the cottage only minutes later. He grinned shortly, convinced he would get her out of her thoughts, and would turn her in a great mood. As a true gentleman Ben had quickly moved over to her side of the Ute and opened the door for her. ' My lady?', he cheeky spoke.

Jaz rolled her eyes, a smile on her face and took in a deep breath, feeling how he guided her along with him to the cottage. 'God Ben, you really need to clean this place', she stated as she looked through the hallway and didn't even dare to think of how the kitchen must look like.

Ben scratched the back of his head; 'yeah okay Princess, I know, I will, my bedroom isn't that bad'. He flashed his big brown eyes suggestively towards her, wrapping his arms around her small waist. She chuckled and he saw her light eyes gaze up to him, amused bit touched.

' I guess there's no other option than'.

A moment later he bounced on the bed, wrapping his hands behind his head, resting on his pillow. His legs crossed, still his old boots on his feet. With a grin Ben watched his girlfriend place down her belonging and pull a strain of blonde her behind her ear, as the pig tails mostly held the rest of her hair together. ' So come on, join me!', he spoke impatiently.

' Yeah, yeah', Jaz replied, kicking of her shoes, climbing upon the bed and feeling his arm reach out for her quickly. It made her snuggle up against his side, and shortly she had lifted her head to give him a smile, her hand claiming his chest. ' So what now?', she asked, licking her lips.

' I can think of some options', he grinned widely, staring at the ceiling. Ben sense how her hand now slapped him softly, making him grin even more.

'Was it just me, or was dinner really weird?', Jaz now spoke, tugging at a button of his shirt.

'Like I told you, Jodi and Matt wanted to be alone, dunno what's up Marcus' sleeve, and …', he breathed in deeply; ' Stevie is trying to deal with life.' Saying it out loud made him affect more than he wished for.

' It must be hard for her to see Jodi and Matt like that; they're gonna have that perfect family she and Alex wished for', Jaz softly spoke, still fascinated with the buttons on his shirt.

' I wish I could help her more you know', he breathed out, and slowly turned his head towards her. Jaz looked up and saw his soft caring brown eyes. Even though Ben could be a pain in the ass, he had one big good heart and she instantly felt bad for him. Not to forget the feeling of love boiling up inside of her. She turned a bit more on her side, and reached her hand up to softly touch his face.

' You're doing the best you can. She knows you're there for her, when she needs you', she took a small breath, cuddling closer; 'she needs to do this on her own.' Jaz continued; 'maybe with some help from a man, but not in a cousin kind of way, if you know what I mean.' She wiggled her eyebrows softly and a gentle smile tugged at the corners of his lips, his mind wandering though as his brown eyes stared up at the ceiling again.

Somehow Ben doubted that man was Russ.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23. **

Jodi sat up in bed, her hair tied together in a messy tail. She looked at the man next to her, not laying in her bed, but sitting upon the edge putting on his boots to go into town. 'Can't that wait?', she breathed out as she positioned behind him and kissed his cheek softly. Matt turned his face to look at her. A soft smile on his silent lips. Jodi stroked his black gray hair gently.

'I better do this now. It won't take long. I just don't want that car to break down tonight', Matt finally told her, as he finished putting on his boots. He saw her puppy eyes looks begging and softly smiled, tipping her nose. 'I'll be back before you know it. Get some rest'. A small grin fell onto his lips as he leaned in and kissed her lips softly.

***

Matt parked his car at the side of the road in front of the Truck Stop. It was a shame Moira was still in Argentina, otherwise he could have stayed with Jodi, and let Moira look at his Ute. There was no doubt the chance was rather big that it would break down any day soon. He closed the door of his Ute and stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked into the Truck Stop.

Up to meet its new owner; Bobby Martin. He quickly shook hands.

Returning ten minutes later from the back Matt had concluded Bobby was pretty much like his mother Beth. Very chatty and he knew his way around being a mechanic. Being able to also lead the Truck Stop was something else though, although he quickly swept his dirty hands off at a tea towel, taking his position behind the desk.

It was then when Matt noticed the tall man at its other side, asking for a fresh cup of coffee. Dark sunglasses made it hardly unable to spot his eyes, short brown hair gave him a flashy look, if it wasn't just for his casual but neat clothing; a fine gray jacket with dark jeans underneath. Matt frowned, not even noticing he was standing and staring just there next to the desk, waiting for Bobby to help him make a final arrangement.

The man suddenly noticed his staring and showed a short grin, reaching out his hand; 'oy you're a local?'

Matt suddenly shook up, feeling a float of oddness run through his body as he saw the tall man's features better. He would nearly swear … but luckily his mind finally made a connection and quietly he answered with a yes. Taking the guy's hand and shrugging his shoulders lightly. 'Matt Bosnich', he shortly said, as his dark eyes were still transfixed on the man's appearance.

' Righto, Jack Cross, I'm replacing detective Montello', he spoke.

Matt nodded, mumbled; ' finally replacement.' He knew that during the first year Jodi and him had been away, there still had been some brief contact between Jim and Montello, until he left town, and it was only now that they've been able to hire someone else. Someone who looked fairly much like Alex Ryan.

'Yeah, just trying to get my head around this town. It's surely differs from the city. Any ideas how I can get to know the locals any better?', Jack asked, even though he noticed the man in front of him wasn't much talkative.

'If you keep an eye on that board', Bobby quickly interrupted; ' it shows all there's to come in Gungellan. That's the best way to meet the locals; share a drink.' He grinned sheepishly, handing Jack the change.

'Thanks, I'll keep that in mind', Jack answered, slipping the coins quickly in his wallet, before sliding it in the back pocket of his tight jeans. He took the cup of the desk and walked out. ' See you around'.

Matt's eyes followed his moves, seeing how he made his way to a pretty flashy car.

'City boy', Bobby snorted; ' but oddly familiar'.

Matt realized Bobby hadn't been in this town for many years, not able to remember much of Beth Martin's son, or him ever being mentioned, but it said enough he at least had some recognition too. Probably not the brightest one to connect it to Alex Ryan


	24. Chapter 24

_So you know, I'm still writing this one. Just very lazy to upload files on here, but I still have quite some in store so keep nagging for me to post. That might do the trick. I hope you all like me introducing Jack Cross as a character. Of course he belongs also to the Nine Network. I just borrowed the pretty sensitive man from The Strip._

* * *

**Chapter 24.**

Stevie walked with a basket filled with a pile of laundry through the entry of the kitchen. Sighing a little as she was glad to place it on the kitchen table. She could nearly feel the drops of sweat form on her forehead as today seemed to be hot, rising temperatures on the land, and the Drovers kitchen wasn't an exception to that.

Lifting out a few baby clothes she shook her head. 'Little mess maker', Stevie lifted up a white t-shirt, well once it had been all white, but now parts held a strange color of yellow brownish.

Jodi walked in and rocked little Xander on her arm. 'Oh see, mommy's up to do the laundry', she pointed towards Stevie and gazed at Xander with a silly face. The boy didn't show much interest. Giving her friend a second look Jodi mumbled; 'uhm is that dirty laundry?'

'No, it's clean, don't you see?', Stevie turned the small shirt around in her hands; 'all stains, and they're not coming out … at all', she grumbled.

'Bugger', Jodi just shortly answered, taking a seat. 'Not that Xander will mind. He is focused on anything but his clothes'. The boy tried to climb over her shoulder, sticking out his little arm behind her. 'Wow, don't kick the baby.' She tried to get a grip on him. 'What with you today Xan?'

Stevie's grinned a little, looking shortly at the two, as she folded some clothing quickly. 'Maybe Xander sees the world a bit different', she just exclaimed.

Jodi half rolled her eyes; 'Well it's a kid of Alex, big chance he sees the world differently'. She now laughed shortly, until Xander started to climb up again and she couldn't hold him back any longer, so she placed him on the floor.

Stevie had looked at her, reflecting her comment. She fumbled her lips a little unsure, than rested her hand on the table and took a deep breath. Her eyes focused on Jodi again who tried to help Xander stand up and walk around the table. Small fingers could be seen along its edge. For a moment she doubted if she would say it; 'You know Jodes …', Stevie started, scratching the back of her head now. 'You had those things going on with well, those old McLeods', she breathed out.

The blond woman gave her a nearly suspicious look.

'I mean, like seeing dead people', Stevie frowned, biting on her lip shortly. 'How was that like?', she asked insecure.

'Scary', Jodi just answered.

'I mean …', Stevie started again, strolling around the table, and sitting down just opposite Jodi, coming closer like she had a secret to share. 'Could you really see them?'

'Uhm they were more like visions', Jodi exclaimed, feeling how Xander held on to her finger, but tried to make his way around the table to his mother, muttering some unknown words.

'Right', Stevie spoke, looking down; 'uhm ...'

'Why?', Jodi now asked curious, moving forwards too.

'Well', Stevie tugged at her hair; 'maybe Xander can too.' She saw how Jodi frowned and felt stupid now. It was weird anyway, and she moved back and mumbled a; 'oh just forget it'. She quickly took another shirt out the basket at her left.

'No no, that could be you know. Specially kids seem to be very uhm, sensitive', Jodi let out. 'Why? Did something happened?'

Stevie looked at her son, who had fallen down once, but had all crawled up on his own. It had made her grin softly. Her eyes looked at Jodi again; 'well, yesterday, just out of nowhere Xander said daddy, reaching out his hand.' Jodi took in those words, bitting on her lip as she saw the hopeful look in her friend's brown eyes. She obviously was hoping Xander could see his father.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25. **

'Do you even realize how embarrassing it is?', Grace muttered aggressively towards her older sister, now she dismounted.

'Grace, by now I do have an idea. How many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry?', Regan sighed, resting her hand on her hip as she stared across the boundary paddock. It was hot, there was heaps to do and they had to finish early cause of the party at the pub tonight. Last thing she could use was her sister going on and on about how to mind her own business.

Grace swept the sweat of her forehead, glancing around and taking in a deep breath. Ignoring the dusty dirt that was pretty much all over her light blue shirt. 'You shouldn't go there in the first place', she finished.

'Can we stop about it? It's not going to change, if you want me to talk to …'

'Wow, no way, you did enough damage already. Such a joy to face Ingrid and Marcus tonight, thank you', Grace mumbled. 'Bloody ...', she suddenly cursed, interrupting her own words. 'Another fence cut in two.'

Regan sighed and shook her head. Blowing out deeply she looked at the mighty cut just in the boundary fencing. 'This is ridiculous. There isn't even stock on both sides. It's not even anywhere near the stock route or the road. Who would on earth cut a fence here?'

'Must be just some bored kid, trying to be funny', Grace stated as she tried to tie and tug it a little together.

'Grace?', Regan started, giving her sister a look, who looked up at her. She let her teeth run over her bottom lip for a moment; 'we have to call Marcus …' She saw her sister's clear reaction. Surely both weren't waiting for dragging Marcus into this, but now it was also a Killarney matter.

Biting her lips once more Jodi's face was serious, very serious. And Stevie couldn't remember seeing her like this before. 'You think I'm going nuts right?', she mumbled.

'No no', Jodi quickly let out, taking her friend's hand in hers as she sat more towards her as far as was possible with her swollen belly. It made Stevie only feel more uncomfortable, shortly staring at Jodi's hand on hers.

'It's …', the blond woman started, with caring eyes looking at Stevie; 'I'm sorry I think it's my fault'.

'Your fault?', Stevie frowned and mumbled, trying to make sense of what she said.

Jodi shifted a bit on her chair; 'I mean, you were a bit down these last few days and I know it's because of me and Matt and I wanted to cheer you up so …', she breathed in; ' I practiced with Xander on saying 'daddy'. I thought you would be … God, I'm so stupid'.

Stevie bit her lip and blinked her eyes quickly, feeling a teary layer sliding over them. The disappointment mixed with Jodi's caring ways made her unsure how to react. 'It's not stupid, it's sweet, but …', she slid her other hand to her eye, brushing tears out.

Marcus climbed off his motor bike, walking towards the girls a moment later. 'Ouch, nice cut there.'

'All the way through', Grace muttered, having her hands in the pockets of her jeans, feeling unsure, and surely not up to looking her ex boyfriend in the eyes. Regan took a step forwards, deciding it was best if she did the talking cause clearly Grace wasn't much ready for that.

'You had any cattle here?', Marcus asked, just standing close to the fencing, looking at his two neighbors.

'No, it's odd. It's like the third time this week, and we only have a load of cattle down the paddock that keeps being spared from this, so far. We sold the other stock last week. But before we buy anything, we better be sure we don't loose them through this', Regan explained.

'Righto, cops than?', Marcus suggested, wetting his dry lips. He looked questioning at Regan, and didn't notice how Grace stared at him, now it was safe to look.

'Uhm don't you have cameras over here', she mumbled; 'you're mighty Killarney after all'. Grace grinned a little silly, obviously not able to behave normally now he stared at her.

Marcus grinned; 'nah, not on this small area. That cutter must know damn well what he's doing. He would be taped pretty much everywhere else'.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26.**

Regan held her hair together in a high pony tail. Turning a little in front of the large mirror in Stevie's bedroom. Her gazed focused on how she would look for the night, letting out a sigh as she wasn't that much delighted with her reflection. 'There's nothing else to do than go to the station first thing Monday morning', she blew out, letting her hands down along her well curved shape, her brown hair falling on her shoulders. Regan turned to look at her friend who just lay on her bed, knees up, hands underneath her head, staring at the ceiling. 'Like we don't have anything better to do than to drive to town to make a statement about some mystery fence cutter', Regan now added.

Stevie's eyes rolled to the side to shortly look at the McLeod, shrugging her shoulders a little. Not much she felt like saying to that.

'Are you gonna get dressed or what?' , Regan asked, her brown eyes big.

'Yeah yeah, keep your shirt on', Stevie mumbled, pressing herself up and guiding her legs over the edge of the right side of her bed. Her hands now propped underneath her upper legs, her face just staring down a little. Here surely wasn't much movement in her now, not much joy to discover for the night ahead.

Regan shook her head, lightly amused; 'come on, scrub up, we need to find ourselves a man remember?' With a wink, Regan saw how Stevie looked up at her, rolling her eyes weakly and a small smirk tugging at her mouth.

'Looking mighty fine my lady', Marcus smirked big time as his eyes fell onto his girlfriend. Her tight jeans and her pinkish revealing top looked perfectly on her. But mostly her bright smile, her eyes shining at him, and her hair in the perfect curls it always held but now tidied up, touched him even more. The background the picture held showed the oddness between old, dusty wood and improvised get togetherness of the Shearer's quarters.

'One thing, you're staying at Killarney tonight', Marcus spoke, now moving closer to circle his arm around her small waist.

'Oh really?', Ingrid said, grinning and glancing at him amused. 'Is that an order?'

He showed a cheeky grin, feeling her even closer; 'you could say that yes'. They looked at each other for a little while, just smiling and still in disbelieve they were together, nothing holding them back any longer. No Paul to make her run away and scared. No doubt on their minds that this is where they belonged; together.

Ingrid now remember a small bit; 'what about Grace tonight?', she suddenly asked,seeing how those words sunk in quickly. His posture changing, his shoulders more loosely handing down, and his gaze wandering around.

'I guess it doesn't help if we go all awkward on her, do you think?', he mumbled.

Ingrid pressed her lips tightly together, nodding. 'Probably yes, so that means I can kiss you when ever I want?', she now changed the subject a little, licking her bottom lip and hanging more back in his arms, as her hands took possession of his broad chest.

'Sounds like a plan', he grinned, half looking at her as he swung his body a little, before settling his eyes entirely onto her. She loved that typical way of him, that grin on his lips and the perfectness in his eyes, pressing herself up on her toes to kiss him gently.

Pleased to get her hand on a bottle of beer, Stevie quickly took in a huge swig. Gulping it down her throat she wondered why she was here. Home with Xander wasn't such a bad option, even with him sleeping, now she stood here in a crowded Gungellan pub. All cheery people around her and even Regan was talking to one of Thompson's farm hand, or at least he vaguely looked like one of them. But she also knew why she didn't want to be at home; Jodi and Matt to look after Xander, and each other. And that … that would be true torture.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27.**

'So …', a male voice sounded, and a bottle of beer was placed next to her on the small high table she sat at. 'All out on your own tonight?', it sounded a little cheekily next to her ear. Stevie's head turned slowly, already recognizing his voice.

Russ sat down next to her, at her right and she gazed at him with a small smile. He showed a little nod up with his head. 'Everyone else is enjoying themselves', she muttered now, a little depressed, leaning on the table, wanting a straw in her bottle of beer so she could just suck it in quickly.

'That bad hey', Russ noted, his light colored eyes examining her shortly. For a moment he wondered if she would realize any day soon how great she was and that the world would be smiling at her, only if she would really let it in, or let him in.

Stevie nodded, and sighed, tilting her bottle of beer up to her lips.

So she wasn't much talkative, he figured. Russ licked his lips shortly, giving himself a moment to drink. 'I can request your favorite song so we can dance to it, would that cheer you up?', Russ spoke, seeing a small smile tug at her lips.

Her deep brown eyes now looked at him, and small note of thankfulness showed. His effort was appreciated. Her gaze dropped a little shy; 'not sure'.

'Not sure? You mean you haven't figured out your favorite song yet?', Russ said a little teasy, resting his right arm casually on the table as he turned his body more towards her.

Her lips pulled together; 'maybe'.

'Well, will you promise to dance with me, when I pick a song?' His eyes were bright and true, reminding her a little of faithful dog eyes. She couldn't deny that, he surely wanted her to have a good night.

'Okay'.

'Be right back …'

***

Ben held his lady tightly. It was good to have some slow music like this, even with him not being the most fanciest dancer, he at heart was a romantic. He wasn't too sure if Jaz had noticed it that much. He had made up his mind earlier, wanting to let tonight be perfect. First at the pub and than at home. He even had cleaned the cottage a little, found some candles … shortly his mind drifted away.

A little pinch in his arms made him look at the blond girl he held. She smiled, a gorgeous smile took his breath away. An amused twinkle in her eyes. 'Are you listening?', she finally said.

'Uh what?'

'Look', she turned both of them so his sight would be good, now a new song started to play. 'Stevie has found herself some distraction', Jaz pointed out as the two of them saw how Russ brought Stevie closer to his body, and stared right into her eyes.

_These hands can turn timber _

_Into good stockyard rails _

_This back knows the burden of toil _

_Between fixing up fences _

_And falling behind _

_Well I reckon _

_I've been through it all _

_Never knew I had feelings like this _

_So much can change with a kiss _

_And it's just me and you _

_And the Goondiwindi Moon _

_All at once the world is standing still _

_With the moonlight in your hair _

_And the softness of your skin _

_Taking me somewhere I've never been _

_Goondiwindi Moon _

(lyrics: Lee Kernaghan – Goondiwindi Moon)


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28. **

He easily got out out of his fancy car. A few local blokes stared at the vehicle, which shone with the small layer of dust which had settled onto the blue varnish of his car. Obviously it wasn't that normal to have a proper car around here, Jack noted as he let his eyes wander over the Parking lot of the Gungellan pub, smoothly sliding his car key into the pock of his dark jeans. Wearing a white shirt, sleeves rolled up till his upper arms, he didn't look much different from his work clothes. To be honest he had defrosted a pizza in the oven, after finishing work at the office.

No need to change. He wasn't here to impress, and clearly this town didn't hold much of a city attitude either. Jack breathed out, not looking much forward to meeting new people, but he had been told this was the place to be, surely tonight.

***

Stevie had let herself sunk into the arms of Russ. It was rather suiting and with a few more beers swallowed down her throat she figured she could have a pretty good night out. She wasn't aware of Ben's curious gaze, which settled nearly constantly onto her.

Jaz pulled him along to the bar; 'let her okay?' Her eyes stared at him, but still saw how his gaze was turned towards what looked like two love birds. 'Ben!!', she protested and asked for attention.

'What?', he muttered, his deep brown eyes now looking at her.

'Let her do whatever she thinks is right. You can't protect her constantly', Jaz told him.

He nodded halfly, a last look towards Stevie and Russ. 'I guess so, it's just that … she is in a vulnerable place lately.' Jaz showed a soft smile. Partly she loved him for being so concerned and caring when it came to his cousin.

'She'll be fine Ben', she smiled, looking at him.

***

Her giggle could be heard when Russ pulled her back from out a dancing spin. Amused he looked at her, loving every way about her. 'See, you can have fun.'

'Yeah', she nearly chuckled, a little clumsy, staring at him, until an image from behind him came to the front. At least her front, like eyes trying to get the background sharp, now her view was all focused on the door of the pub. People passing by, blocking her view, and she blinked once more.

Not again …

'Hey, that's my foot you're standing on', Russ grinned, not noticing much of her eyes wandering of to a certain spot in the pub.

Suddenly she shook up, stared at him … seconds passing till her mind reminded herself of the image that was printed on her retina. Again Stevie stared passed Russ, but again this time nothing to be seen, at least not what she expected. Not him. Feeling a rush of oddness slid through her veins Stevie pulled him along to the bar.

'Two beer!', her voice sounded roughly and Russ frowned as he saw her lean half over the bar, one hand still holding on to his, as he shortly apologized for bumping into Marcus.

'No worries mate, I see you're having someone swinging', Marcus grinned, and winked at him. Russ returned a grin. 'Good on you, she can use some fun.' Marcus patted him on the shoulder, while Stevie eagerly took the two beers, and just some paper money into the bartender's hand, not expecting any change.


	29. Chapter 29

_Thanks for your reviews. I guess you need a bit more information on Jack. Jack Cross is a character played by Aaron Jeffery on The Strip, also a Channel Nine show, which was filmed and broadcasted last year. You can check Youtube to see clips. According to Aaron Jack is pretty much the opposite of Alex, but I don't entirely agree on that one. But Jack is a detective with his own bit of dramatic history. But most of all he's a gentle man, can be rough on the outside, but very soft on the inside ... and a hopelessly romantic. I guess the rest you will find out in my fic. I hope you will love this bit of cross over._

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****Chapter 29. **

She nearly stumbled over the doorstep, when they left the pub. Causing an odd giggle to leave her mouth as Stevie tried to hold on to Russ, who apparently was in a more brighter state than she was. He laughed, pulling her along; 'maybe next time you shouldn't be all focused on managing to drink a beer down your throat all at once.'

'It's fun', she just stated like a school girl. Russ shook his head amused and wrapped his left arm tightly around her waist, so she wouldn't stumble over any more subtle objects.

She let herself easily lean against his side, now glancing up at him with a dreamy look; 'you're sweet'.

He couldn't help but grin to that comment, especially to the way she looked at him. Pretty big chance she wouldn't let him go any time soon, but at least he could try. 'I'm gonna bring you home, I tend to believe you will be having a hang over tomorrow.'

Stevie patted him on his chest; 'That's tomorrow, we're talking about tonight boy. I wanna go home with … you!'. She now nearly pierce her index finger into his chest.

'If you are that sure …', Russ started. She instantly had turned in front of him, holding him close.

'I'm that sure'. Stevie's hands guided up around his neck and her eyes looked flirtatiously at him. Russ wished he could be the gentle man, but she was persuasive and demanding in this way, very tempting. Her eyes studied him like he was a rare wonderful species, the palm of her hands slowly sinking down over his jaw, leading him close till she could close the gap between them and placed her lips over his.

Eagerly she forced herself more onto him, claiming more of his mouth, feelings his hands safely around her waist trying to push her back long with him to his nearby car. He figured he could easily drive that small bit around the corner to his place, even with a few beers sunken into his body.

Stevie made clearly she wanted a lot more, and when they broke apart she could see the clear grin on his lips. 'If you keeping going on like that, we're not gonna be at my home anytime soon', he told her, his bright eyes shining. She now bit her lip in a smile, a little apologetic, dragging her fingers out of his blonde hair, finally releasing him so they could get in the car.

***

Ben's eyes where scanning the pub, worried and hasty, feeling how Jaz tugged at his arm. 'Where is she, she wouldn't leave without saying good bye, would she?', he mumbled.

Jaz shook her head, still a little pleased by his protective ways, although she rather have them focused on her. 'So she left, she is okay with Russ, don't worry.' He sighed out, looking at her, and finding his heart console a little now he stared into her sweet eyes.

'Sorry', Ben let the back of his fingers gently linger down her pale cheek. 'I really had it all planned out for the night, and nothing seems to go like I wanted, I'm sorry.'

The McLeod gave him a curious and cheeky look; 'what did you exactly had planned Ben?'

'Oh just well …', he felt himself turn nervous within just a sec. Those gorgeous eyes, and that sweet smile, were always making his stomach turn into laps. Seeing a flash of Marcus pass, he instantly grabbed him at his shirt. ' Have you seen Stevie?', he asked again all hasty, staring at Marcus.

Marcus grinned; 'mate, relax, last time I saw her she left with Russ, and she seemed perfectly pleased with it.' He winked, seeing how Ben sighed again, letting his shoulders hung down a little as Jaz just wrapped her arms around his waist.

'Let's go home big guy'.

Amused Marcus made his way to Ingrid. 'Ben is so uptight when it comes to Stevie.' He came closer and leaned in to kiss Ingrid shortly on her cheek, giving her a new glass of soda.

'It's kinda cute, protective guys are cute!', a twinkle showed in her eyes, searching for his, to make clear she was talking about him. If there was anyone being a very protective guy, it surely was Marcus. 'And sexy, and just …', her smile shone widely as her eyes were holding that same flirtatious twinkle.

'And what?', Marcus slowly asked, as he wrapped his arms around her small waist.

'Mmm … not sure if this is the place to tell you all that', Ingrid grinned.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30.**

It all had gone fast; the way to his home, inside his house. Just feeling his lips on hers as they made it to the bed room. Both heated as her back rested lightly against his bedroom door. His hands moving down her body as her fingers tangled into his hair, pulling him closer to taste him better.

_Comparisons are easily done_

_Once you've had a taste of perfection_

_Like an apple hanging from a tree_

_I picked the ripest one_

_I still got the seed_

_You said move on _

_Where do I go_

_How do I get better_

_Once I've had the best_

_You said there's_

_Tons of fish in the water_

_So the waters I will test_

It felt surreal to her, the alcohol giving her a spinning mind that made it all feel like a dream, following her feelings of frustration she had built up over the year. Being with someone would be what she needed, right? Getting back in the saddle.

Russ kissed her down her neck, pulling at her top to feel the skin underneath. A moment later she felt the soft fabric of her shirt slid up, and move over her head. It was after her top had left her body she met Russ' cyan eyes for pretty much the first time she got in his bedroom. He smirked softly, glancing down to her body a moment later. 'You are beautiful'.

She remembered herself the moment she first met him, how she stood there in just her bra, her shirt clanging to her chest. Embarrassed, not as much now. Also recalling the moment he had pulled his shirt off, and her eyes had focused on his well-shaped back. For the first time being attracted to a man, a new man, after Alex.

Stevie closed her eyes, just re-sensing the way it had confused her. Made her feel lightly bad.

His fingers trailed softly over her shoulders, pushing the strings of her bra down her upper arms.

For so long it had only been Alex. The only man that she held feelings for, how attractive he had been to her. But she remembered his words, just there and than on that day of torture. He didn't want her to stay alone. Not wanting to hide herself from another man's attention.

And Russ clearly held that attention.

Closing her eyes she wish she could cast away all those memories. 'Stevie?', Russ asked caring. Opening her brown gazers she stared at him, seeing his sweet smile. 'You're okay with this right?' She swallowed hard and nodded. She had to right? Be okay with all this? How on earth would she ever get back in the saddle, out in the field again if this wasn't right?

'Good', Russ remarked, his thumb stroking gently over her cheek, his hand guiding her close again; to kiss her. Passionately, would be his take. But again Stevie was searching for more, more intimacy, more deepness and eagerness; in the way she had always liked it. And how much she tried, she couldn't find it. Wanting to taste something different; recasting that feeling, that sense of taste that had made her heart pound faster, unsteady and made her feel so utterly fuzzy, warm inside, so wanted. For a moment she could recall it in her memory, the same moment she pulled away.

_He kissed my lips_

_I taste your mouth_

_He pulled me in _

_I was disgusted with myself_

Stevie stared at him, seeing the confused look in his eyes as his hands held the distance between them, resting on his chest. A second later she bend, picked up her shirt and opened the door quickly to get out.

Startled he stood there.

She had rushed out, wandering over the streets confused and full with emotions. Only for a short moment as she had just left, hearing him shout her name. But she was gone, and she didn't want to be found. Not by him.

_Cause when I'm with him_

_I am thinking of you_

_Thinking of you _

_What you would do if_

_You were the one _

_Who was spending the night_

_Oh I wish that I_

_Was looking into your eyes_

(Lyrics: Katy Perry – Thinking Of You)


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31.**

Ten minutes later she had reached the parking lot of Gungellan's pub, searching in the pocket of her jeans for her car key. Hasty, and sweaty from her half running ways. Tears streamed down her face in the middle of the night. No one to witness, just yet.

In her hurry her keys fell to the ground. Bending down, she suddenly saw a hand pick up her keys, raising them up for her. 'You're okay, miss?', a soft, deep voice spoke.

Looking up at the man, Stevie only saw familiar deep blue eyes look at her friendly.

Transfixed brown reddish eyes stared onto his face, moving quickly. He narrowed his eyes, trying to find a common sense. Trying to find something that told him this woman was fine, and she could go home safe. Her teary eyes, and strains of the salty liquid on her cheeks, made him doubt that badly.

In shock, Stevie snatched the keys out of his hands. The image of his face printed on her retina. Feeling like spinning constantly, the surreal feeling still with her … seeing how this all changed into one big bad dream that messed with her head badly. Stevie turned away quickly, standing at the door of her red Holden a second later to plug in the key.

'Maybe it's not a good idea to drive, tell me where you live and I can get you a ride home', Jack mumbled, adding quickly; 'don't be afraid, I'm …'

Angry eyes flashed at him, a rough unsteady voice spoke hasty; 'go away. Why are you here anyway? I need to move on'.

She managed to pull the car door open, sliding in quickly; her eyes still staring at him, as fluently she started the engine and the door slammed shut. With fast spinning wheels Stevie quickly drove off the parking lot, obviously neglecting any speed limit.

Jack stood there, frowning and staring at the last bit of dust twirling down as she had taken off.

I just wanted to help', he muttered, calling after her.

Not understanding one bit of this small town. Wishing he hadn't come here in the first place tonight, to go home within minutes as he couldn't adjust and find the energy to fit in. Only a call about a few fighting had brought him back here; a fight which already had ended, all making clear they didn't need the cop to mingle in. And now this woman, who clearly was one big mess, taking off like he was a mad man.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32.**

It was when they had arrived home, at Killarney's cottage, when Jaz had realized Ben's real plans, or mostly the effort he had put into this perfect night out and at home. He had felt embarrassed, as she had stared at the candles which where placed all around his now so neat bedroom, little rose petals spread across the sheets. Ben had stood there, hands pressed into the back pockets of his jeans as he felt like an idiot, but she had given him her brightest smile and hugged him tightly, telling him he was simply the sweetest and he shouldn't be worried about anything, or being embarrassed.

Ben Hall was a hopelessly romantic and he just had to accept it. Jaz surely was keen on doing so.

Rays of sunlight reflected on their faces as they woke up early in the morning. She was curled up against him, resting her head onto his broad hairy chest. Ben stared at the ceiling for another moment, as his fingers played softly with her blond locks.

A satisfied moan escaped her lips and she shifted against him. It was good to just be with him, to wake up next to him. Looking up she saw his brown watchers gaze to the old ceiling. 'Already lost in thoughts?', Jaz remarked softly before pressing her lips on his chest.

She felt him move a little, and he shifted his face to let his gazers lower to meet hers. He pressed his lips together, into a soft smile. 'Sorry sunshine, you slept well?'

Jaz leaned up onto his chest and looked at him meaningful. Her sparkling eyes told him he didn't need to be sorry about anything. 'I slept like a baby, cause I simply have the best boyfriend I could wish for.'

'Righto?', he answered weakly confused. Whining about Stevie all night, when it should have been their special night didn't sound much like being the best boyfriend she could wish for, at least to him.

She softly caressed his right shoulder. 'You're caring, protective over your family, and surely ain't the cocky scum bag I thought you were when I first met you. You wanna make a girl feel special, and whatever you do, you do make me feel special, so yes, I have nothing to complain … and remember we have more nights ahead.' Jaz smiled at him, a little flirtatious as she leaned in and kissed his lips softly.

He watched her, seeing how she settled on his chest again, pretty taken by it. 'It's just that, it's special to me', Ben mumbled, swallowing hard.

'I know', she just answered as she watched her finger tips trace over the right side of his chest.

'I want it to be perfect … really', Ben held his breath and she could sense it, looking up again, she saw two vulnerable, unsure eyes look at her.

Gently she stroke his brown hair behind his ear. 'What's this all about?', she quietly asked, a serious expression reflecting in her eyes.

Ben's eyes seemed to wander off a bit, not sure what to say now. Maybe it wasn't so bad to just say it. 'Uhm …', he felt his mouth turn dry instantly; 'okay, don't laugh.' He was endearing like this, and that fact nearly made her smile, but Jaz was able to hold that one in. 'I've never really been with anyone except Monique, before'. Again he held his breath.

So apart from not being that cocky guy, he surely wasn't the player she had pictured him to be. And it all made sense. According to Stevie, it had always been Monique for Ben, from a very young age, and even all this time apart, he had been engaged to her he had been faithful. She showed him a tender small smile and leaned in just above his lips. 'Don't worry cowboy, it will be perfect', Jaz spoke softly against his lips, before kissing him.

***

In the meantime at Drovers Regan frowned at her sister who sat at the kitchen table. It was early, very early and Grace seated, hanging nearly against the table. Her hands wrapped around a cup of tea. 'Looks like you had just as must fun as me last night', Regan muttered.

Grace looked up; 'sucked big time, what about that guy of yours'.

'Sucked big time too', Regan just let out as she took a cup out of the cabinet. 'Really, are there any decent men left in this district?', she added. Grace sighed, staring at her cup as her sister took a seat at the left side of the table. It was enough of an answer to Regan. 'What about Stevie, spotted yet?'


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33.**

Upstairs Jodi tried to lift Xander out of his little bed. Tears were rolling down his cheeks. 'What's up little fella?'. She looked at the little boy, reaching out his small arms to be picked up, as he stood in his crib. He didn't need to get changed so Jodi held him around his waist and carried her against her chest. Xander tugged at her blond curls immediately and seemed to relax. ' Good to know I have that mummy instinct', she grinned as she rubbed the boy's back.

But just as quick he started to shift and move impatiently and she tried to hold him tighter. ' No kicking Xan, bub doesn't like that … and me neither', she added with a sigh as it didn't help much.

'You want mommy?'

His eyes lit up and his lips repeated that last word; 'momm'.

'Fine, but she had a tough night Xan, at least I guess that', she told him as she carried him towards Stevie's room. With a soft knock on the door she opened it a second later.

Stevie lay all curled up, under her sheets, asleep. Her face was showing the remains of an unpleasant falling asleep and Jodi sighed softly, caressing Xander's soft hair as he already reached out his hand to join his mother. ' Maybe we should let mommy sleep a bit longer, hey Xan.'

***

Minutes later Jodi appeared with Xander in the Drovers kitchen, seeing two tired faces look up at her lazy; 'good morning sunshines', she grinned.

'I got no clue how you can show up at this time with a smile on your face', muttered Grace as she let her face sunk further along her hand, twirling an empty cup around on the table. Regan slammed her arm playfully on her sister's.

'It's what they call love, l.o.v.e., which we obviously lack', she whispered towards Grace, looking up at Jodi a moment later. 'I take hubby is still fast asleep'. With a big grin Jodi nodded heavy.

'Let's say he needed his bit of rest', the blond McLeod told her friend amused, remembering last night activities. It felt so good to have Matt around her again, she fall asleep in his arms, and even though she was far along in her pregnancy, she clearly didn't mind more intimacy.

'God do I even wanna know!', Grace flashed out quickly towards her.

'Tricky subject', Regan explained.

Jodi gave them a supportive smile as she sat down and couldn't hold Xander any longer, he clearly wanted to walk and crawl around the place, like a little busy bee. Quickly he moved towards the hall way door. 'No Xan!', Jodi let out, turning in her seat; 'you can't go to your mommy yet'. She heaved herself up again, with a bit of strain and got to the boy again, making sure the hallway door would be closed.

'She's here?', Regan asked.

'Stevie? Yes, she's asleep and from the look of it she really needs in, and I don't mean it in the positive way of the word', Jodi said with sad look on her face as she had closed the door and Xander just sat against it.

Regan blew out, string in front of herself for a moment. 'That can't be good, she was with Russ last night, she shouldn't suppose to be here … if it was a success.' Jodi shrugged her shoulders a bit apologetic, like she wished for whispering a little sorry. They all were concerned about Stevie's state of mind, and she knew partly it was caused by the confrontation of seeing a happy little family be reunited just right in front of her. The little family she should have formed only a year ago.

***

Regan had waited some time, telling Grace she would join her as soon as possible with checking the fences and cleaning the troughs. First she needed to know if Stevie was alright.


	34. Chapter 34

_**Oh yes, finally one again. Just watched the last episodes of MD air, and it triggers me madly ;) So enjoy!**_

**Chapter 34. **

Knocking on Stevie's bedroom door Regan was silent for another moment before softly saying her best friend's name. But there wasn't any reply. Taking in a deep breath, she shove the door open. Seeing the little figure under the sheets, curled up she could guess about the state of mind she had been in while falling asleep. Through the years Regan had woken Stevie up quite a few times, and her sleeping position told quite a lot. When there was something wrong, mostly involving Alex, Stevie always lay on her right side, curled up. Just like now.

Softly she walked further in the room, holding a plate with a fresh cup of tea. Laying it down on the little night table, shoving the few framed picture back a little Regan gave her friend another close look. Sighing she gently sat down on the bed. 'Stevie? It's time to wake up, Xander is waiting for you'.

Regan's voice had reached the red head, and slowly she started to move. God, her eyes felt heavy, and hardly wanted to open as she rolled on her bed. Slowly she started to stare into Regan's big brown emphatic eyes. 'God …', she muttered, sweeping her hand to her hand, her legs shifting.

'Morning sunshine, brought you some tea, a little bird told me you could use some', Regan spoke.

'Yeah, I can', Stevie sighed out deeply, and stretched some more, now looking up to see the cuppa on her night table. A weak thankful smile showed on her lips as she sat up a little against the head of the bed. Regan gave her friend the time to arouse to the fullest, reaching out for the tea to wet her dry mouth.

'Should I ask about last night?', the McLeod started, instantly seeing Stevie sigh. Memories easily came back to her.

'I could say no, but …', Stevie muttered, placing the cup back on the night table. '… I guess I need therapy anyway … really Regan, I'm going crazy.'

'You're not going crazy', Regan protested with a silly look, patting Stevie on her leg, as she turned more towards her.

'Yes I do, I see Alex everywhere, and I think I can make that stop by drinking, by throwing myself at Russ, but he's not going away. He's there, even more vivid than …', she blew out, feeling the emotions boiling up inside of her quickly. 'I don't know what to do any more. Like I'm not allowed to move on. Just a week ago I went nuts cause I couldn't feel him around me any longer, and now; he's like everywhere. What does that mean?'

She looked at Regan, asking, like she had an answer, but she couldn't do much more than show a supportive look. 'Time will tell I guess, I guess imagination can …'

'It's not my imagination, really Regan; he's there. I saw him last night. It's not like a dream or anything. And it can't just be because of the buzz'. Her protest was clear, how silly it even felt to her too, Stevie couldn't neglect those deep blue eyes she had seen that night. They were for real. She knew them too well, they were Alex'.

Regan tried to understand. 'Maybe you should call Moira …'

***

Grace saw Jaz walking up the Drovers homestead. A bright smile supported the blond girls sparkling eyes, nearly whistling she let out a good morning to her sister. 'Just in time. You can start drenching', Grace mumbled.

'Oh how lovely, no good morning for you?', Jaz still grinned, which annoyed Grace. How come there were happy people left in a world like this?

'No, just getting out to do the fences, don't try to cheer me up'. She walked on further to the stables, but Jaz fumbled he rlips over each other and followed her sister with a smile.

'You know, it's not a crime to smile.'

Grace ignored her mostly, as she walked into the stable, but could feel her follow her directly. 'If you feel like sharing your great night with me, than I'll pass'. She lifted the saddle, and Jaz took in her position opposite of her. Annoying grin still present, Grace noted.

'It was not like that. But I just turn out to have the best and sweetest boyfriend there is', she spoke with a cheerful voice, eyes lit up even more, feeling the need to twirl goofy around the post.

'Joy', Grace let out, holding the saddle and walking to her horse.


	35. Chapter 35

_Thanks for the reviews again. Here's a new chap. Hoping to keep writing it, of course reviews help. But do love this story. Enjoy!_

**Chapter 35.**

Stevie paced around the study, as she heard the phone continue its on going beep, telling her no one was there to pick it up. She took in a deep breath as she pressed her teeth onto her bottom lip. Suddenly she glanced up as Jodi appeared with Xander on her arm. 'And?'

'No, she isn't there … I shouldn't be calling her anyway', she sighed again, sitting down in Jack's chair. Jodi gave her a sympathetic look.

'Sorry, it's obviously because of me and Matt that makes you …', the blond started back Stevie easily waved it away as she got up and walked towards her.

'Don't you feel bad about being happy Jodes', she rested her hand onto the girl's shoulder for a moment, before lifting Xander out of her arms. The boy clearly was keen on getting picked up by his mother. 'Like I said, me and Xander are going to be just fine, hey, aren't we boy?', She gazed into the little boy's blue gazers and curled up her lips, not much natural. 'You've got your daddy's eyes …', she whispered it, her voice fading away and Jodi looked at her concerned.

'You sure you are okay?', the McLeod asked now. Stevie looked at her for a moment, giving Xander another lift, closer to her body.

'Do I have a choice, I have to be', she breathed out and glanced at her hand. 'If only my ring would get off … it started since than. I'm going crazy because of it … who would have guessed …' Stevie smirked a little. 'I just got a very persistent husband.' But the sadness reflected in her eyes.

***

Regan walked upon the Killarney homestead, seeing Marcus already gathering fences in the back of his truck. She waved him a good day, as he saw her rather quick. He showed her a smile; 'what's bringing you here, neighbor?'

'Apart from the fact I wanted to ask Ingrid a few things and she hasn't been home last night … I also wanted to check if you had any more trouble with your fences. I left Grace checking the Southern paddock but everything seems fine today', Regan told as she walked further up to him and stood still, her hand on her hip and her pinkish shirt showing a low cut top underneath. Somehow Regan McLeod always had a bit of city minded vibe around her, but the dirt on her shirt and on her face clearly stated the opposite.

'Righto', Marcus took a breath, and moved the fences more back towards each other so he could fill in some more. 'Ingrid stayed here last night, indeed. We figured it wouldn't be bad, hanging a little less on Drovers.' He now turned towards her; 'Grace okay?' His eyes were serious.

'Yeah, well we just guess there is only one McLeod having luck in love at the very moment, so .. we'll life', she gave him a wink and Marcus grinned.

'Yeah, Ben and Jaz, smitten for sure, really at times I wanna smack that silly grin of his ugly mug', his smile was clearly visible as he now leaned his armed on the track. 'And the fences are doing great today, nothing seen. But we'll keep an eye on it. Are you gonna go to the cops?'

'I guess I will, have to be into town tomorrow anyway. The earlier we have dealt with it the better. It's pretty tense at Drovers at the moment, so we could do without this fence joker', Regan explained, which made Marcus frown and shift a little.

'Reminds me, how is that sis in law of mine doing?'

Regan glanced away for a moment, letting her finger roll over the head of the truck rail. 'Not good', she now glanced deeply into Marcus' bright eyes. 'She is able to move on Marcus, I'm not sure what is going on, but she keeps thinking she sees Alex, and … last night with Russ was one big disaster I believe'.

'Damn', he muttered; 'she seemed so happy last night.' Marcus took in a breath, his nostrils widening for a moment. He gazed at her again; 'you want me to talk to her?'

'I will call if that's needed, we all keep an eye on her.' She patted his lower arm and shared a gaze of shared comprehension.


End file.
